Category: Uncategorized

A New Stove

When we moved into our home twelve years ago, it came with an electric cook stove. I am not fond of electric cook stoves, I prefer natural gas or propane cook stoves. I grew up with cooking on both. The reason I prefer natural gas or propane is when I turn the temperature down or off on a burner, the response is instant. Electric cook stoves still retain a lot of heat when the temperature is turned down or off.

Our home came with a used, not sure when it was purchased, electric cook stove. The cook stove served me well in preparations for meals both large and small. At Thanksgiving, it started to smell of burnt wires and was not cooking with even heat in the oven. Then the heating areas on one side stopped working. Time to retire the old electric cook stove.

We went to a few stores looking and pricing electric cook stoves. While I prefer natural gas or propane, our home does not have natural gas or propane service installed. And we are going to sell our home, and did not want to spend the money to have the service installed. To save money, we looked for an electric stove.

After going to four stores, we settled on a stove at Home Depot. Now it has been several years since we purchased an appliance from a box store. Talking with an associate in the appliance department, we lead the to the stove we wished to purchased “today”. We were disappointed, they do not sell the stoves from the store, you have to order the stove and they will deliver the stove to you. We checked two other box stores, and the same story, you order purchase and we deliver. Considering Christmas was fast approaching, deliver would be after Christmas. I needed a safe stove to cook meals on “now”, but would have to wait.

Wait I did. I managed to cook our meals, do some baking using techniques like turning the pan in the oven, so the cookies would bake evening as only one side of the oven worked. Not using too many pans on the stove top as I only had two heating areas. Finally the day arrived for delivery.

The truck arrived, two young men got out, opened the back door of the truck before we got to the gate. They did not want to pull farther into the driveway. Then these two young men lifted the stove down out of the truck and placed it on their four wheeled cart to bring it to the house. Once at the house, they were looking for which door to bring the stove through. The door to the mud room is narrow, but it has steps. My husband and I always use the sliding glass patio doorway as it is wide enough for appliances and most furniture.

The young men wanted to fit the stove through a doorway they could pull their wheeled cart through. They said they wanted to use the steps. I told them it would not fit through that door way, a 30 inch wide stove does not go through a 28 inch doorway. They started up the steps, and realized the stove would not fit. No doorway existed with steps to pull their four wheeled cart with stove through. They looked lost and unsure of what to do. Standing next to the patio door, I responded, “The two of you are not able to lift it up into the doorway and onto the floor. There is no step for this door, and the other you have already seen was too narrow. If you need us to help we can. We have moved every appliance into the house using that doorway, and the furniture.”

Reluctantly, they wheeled the stove up next to the sliding glass patio door, that was open the whole time. Lifted it and placed it inside. My husband was inside helping to keep it going in the right direction inside the house. Once it was in the house, my husband signed the papers and they left.

I had my new stove. Now to put the cord on and place it in its spot in the kitchen. Now to read the manual and learn how to set the time and other functions.

There are times I feel prejudice because I am a woman. These young men did not take what I was saying seriously about the doorway being too small. I know that doorway, I put a new door in that doorway when I remodeled the mudroom and adjoining 1/2 bathroom. I have faced the same prejudice from men when I go to the lumber yard wanting materials for a remodel project. It seems a woman with a tape measure can not know what she really needs for the job she is doing….lol.

amtolle

Change after Christmas

For some the day after Christmas, means returning to work. For others there are still some people to meet and gifts to exchange. For me, my days usually do not change much: chores, housework and writing take up most of my time. But changes near the end of this year has put different tasks into my day starting now that Christmas is over.

Now that Christmas has been celebrated, it is time to pack up the decorations, then start packing up the house. Preparations for selling our home is to begin. This year while decorating for Christmas, there was a little bit of sadness, decorating this home for the last time. I have made decorations to go above the cabinets and other places to add Christmas color from ceiling to floor. What will my new home look like? What decorations will be used and where will I use them? These were the questions that went through my mind as I decorated my home this year. Now, the decorations will return to the boxes, and be stored until we make the move.

We will start packing away items we do not use daily, and a lot of the home decor. Family pictures will be placed carefully in a labeled box. Dishes will be sorted, some will be sold or donated, others will be packed, leaving only the necessary items for food preparation and eating in the drawers and cabinets.

I have informed family members, both my children and his children, we will be moving and getting rid of items we do not use. Some items should be handed down to the next generation, but my husband’s children have stated they do not want them. I am torn on what to do with these heirlooms, they are not junk but fine crystal dinnerware. Perhaps I will store them until a time arrives for them to be given to a family member. The other option is to sell them, add some cash to our pocket and lighten our load. I will have to think on some decisions for awhile, but if I am in doubt on if I should get rid of an item, I will carefully pack it and store it until a decision can be made.

The thought of moving is overpowering. We have moved three times since our marriage, storing some items in Colorado and others in storage units here. When we arrived at our current home, we were able to move everything to one location. This past year, I have been going through things, tidying up and getting rid of items I did not use. But I have not touched the barn or storage sheds.

Besides the household and tools, there is the farm equipment, trailers and livestock to move. I am going to have to come up with a plan on moving fencing panels, then the livestock, yet keeping enough panels here to pen up the livestock before we move them to their new home.

As I pack up a room, I will paint and get that room ready for the house to sell. Some rooms we need to finish the work we started before we list the home for sell. Others just need a new coat of paint.

I look at my home and see all the work I have done in twelve years. I have made flower beds and pens and shelters. Build storage sheds, working sheds and repairs to the barn. Many hours of work and sweat to make my home what it is today. I know every inch of each acre, some places hold special memories. The burial place of a mare I owned since she was a year old, and died at twenty. The burial place of my last broodmare, who we had to put down due to a broken shoulder that would not heal. A faithful dog, who my daughter and I had when it was just us two. The places where foals were born and played, now lambs. Memories of our years, that can not be moved and taken with us.

Change can be very exciting, and a little frightening, with sadness for leaving what was behind. Change it will have to be, as we can not stay where we are. The area is getting crowded with smaller lots and more houses. In order to grow our sheep flock to the size that can support us, we will need more acres, more space.

Yes, we will have to make a change, begin in a new place, make new memories as we build a new life in a new home.

amtolle

THANK YOU

I want to take this time to THANK EACH OF YOU for taking the time to read, comment, like and or follow my blog.

Last January I started this blog as part of Bloganuary 2022, a challenge to write a blog about a daily prompt everyday the month of January.

Through blogging I have met some wonderful people. I have read some great blogs. Others blogs have peaked my interest in different things, expanded my mind and thought. I have seen some awesome photography, and other places in the world.

I am still learning how to do blogging. I have discovered I enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts, interests and activities.

I am writing two books. And hopefully will have them published by the end of 2023.

Once more, I want to THANK YOU FOR TAKING YOUR TIME FROM YOUR DAY TO READ MY BLOGS.

amtolle

Life is Life. We can not make others change.

I have my cards and letters done. Then my husband wanted to write some special letters to his son and daughter this Christmas. It has been two years since he has heard from his son. His daughter arrived with a chip off her shoulder and left Thanksgiving visit in a huff after a lot of drama.

We have been very happily married for fourteen years. Yet, neither of us has come up with an answer as to why his children refuse to accept me and treat me with respect. His children have even told his grandchildren, I am not their grandma and to not call me grandma. As well as, the grandchildren do not have to do anything I ask of them, even in my own home.

It is not like we have not helped them since we have been married. We have given his son money on numerous times. When his son started one of our horses, because he needed money, we paid full price for half the job he does for others. When his son’s first child was born, we paid for the diapers and wipes for two years. For his daughter, she was leaving her second husband and wanted to move to Texas. I went to Colorado, loaded the trailer and truck and brought her down. We even purchased a house for her to live in that needed some minor repairs. Three days later she left, went back to Colorado and six months later went back to the husband. We provided a large horse trailer for his son and family to move to Wyoming, and pulled another trailer up as well. I have cared for his son’s dogs when they were whelping, sold puppies for him. Yet, why do they treat me and their dad badly?

There is no grounds to say we do things for my children and leave his children out. Quite the opposite. We have helped his children more.

It is not because I caused the divorce. Their parents were divorced for five years before I came on the scene. Their mother divorced their father to marry another man.

I had thought it is because of the “step mom” thing. Yet, they have a step grandma, as my husband’s parents divorced and remarried, whom his son and daughter both call grandma. His daughter has two children by one ex husband, and two more by another ex-husband, yet all four of her children call the parents to the second husband grandma and grandpa.

Needless to say, the situation causes some tension during their short visits, and sadness in our family.

So, today, my husband made a decision. His decision was to compose two letters, one to each of his children. Statements written that I had prayed and tried so hard to not be a thought. A decision my husband made. His words on paper. Words stating that he loves them. Words informing them of what they have done is wrong. Stating things will have to change, or if by their choice things do not change, they are not to come back for a visit. He has made the choice to take these two letters to the post office himself to post.

My husband very seldom makes any kind of rules at our home, mostly we do not need rules. But once a rule is made, that rule is set in stone. Today my husband made a rule.

amtolle

It Takes Work to be Positive

Walking the pathway of life we have good times and not so good times. We face stress from work, the economy, home and from other areas, some we are not aware of. There are times the place we are at in life just wears us down, the walk is hard, the struggle is hard and long. We are weary. How do we stay positive and focused on moving forward?

It is not easy to stay positive. Sometimes it is just work to keep from crawling in a dark corner to just disappear from everything. The situations we crawled away from will still be there when we come out of the corner. We will have to deal with the situation and find the solution. From experience, I have learned dealing with the situation sooner rather than later is alway best.

How do we keep moving forward looking for the solution without being overcome with depression and weariness? I pray to the Creator. The One who created me, knows my every need and will take care of me. I pray for guidance to make the right choice, look in the right direction and turn away from what is wrong for my life.

There are times I have clung to the fray of His garment, in order to get the strength to keep going, hoping and believing I will see the miracle presented to me for me.

Prayer in the quiet of the morning, before the day gets busy with chores and activities that need to be done. Most times the sun is not up when I sit, quiet, praying to the Creator.

Second, I remember those miracles that I have experienced. I look back to seen when I was in great need and the Creator provided those needs for me. Those times I found the open door or window to go through and find the solution to the situation. I remember the quiet times, when a whisper was given with an idea of where to go or where to look for those open doors or windows. I remember all the times when things were tough, and the miracle came, I was taken care of. I remember that I have never been without food, or clothing or some type of roof over my head. I remember the blessings and I give thanks.

Third, I give thanks for the answer that is coming. I know the Creator hears my prayers, sees my tears, knows my fears. The Creator knows all that I need, and the solution, the answer is being given before I prayed. I thank the Creator for the day I am alive, for being there for me, for creating me.

I pray that my mind will stay focused on the Creator, on the chores of the day, and not to think of tomorrow.

When things get really tough, when I want to crawl away and cry, I remind myself – God is in control.

amtolle

Mountaintops and Valleys

When I lived in Colorado, I would visit the mountains often. Surrounded by their majesty and beauty, it was always a treat to take a weekend and go up to the mountain for an up-close personal visit. Each mountain is unique and has its own challenges to scale in order to reach the top. The mountains I would visit I could get almost to the top by horseback. When I had reached as far as I could safely on the horse, I would hike to the top. Not every mountain can be hiked to the top. There are mountain tops that can be reached only with the aid of ropes. I chose the mountain tops I could reach without the aid of ropes.

I start my way upward from the valley on horseback. Every step moving us closer to the top. We travel under the trees in the shadow of the mountain. As the horse and I get closer to the mountaintop, the trees start to spread apart, fewer and smaller. Then ground turns to loose stones and rock. He I must leave the horses and go alone. The climbing is slow as one foot has to be securely in place before you move the other foot upward. No trees grow at the top, very few flowers or other small plants are seen. There is the constant very chilly wind, an occasional marmot, a soaring eagle and the mountain to watch your progress upward.

Once at the top, the smell of the fresh thin air is refreshing and exhilarating. The view, words can not speak and photos can not show the grandeur or breathtaking beauty the eye beholds from a mountaintop. Your body aches, your heart beats loudly from the struggle of the climb and lack of oxygen at those heights.

Your mind just stops, the senses taking in the views. At the top you feel you can see the whole world, each house looks like a small pebble, people can not be seen without aide. The mind relaxes, there is a feeling of no problems, no work. Nothing exists but you and the mountain and what the senses behold.

But a person can not stay on the mountaintop long. The night temperatures drop drastically. A person has to pack supplies and equipment needed as there are no resources for shelter, food or water at the top. Down the mountain the person has to come. The trip down those rocky, slippery slopes is more dangerous. It is harder to keep on solid foot while moving down to get a the second foot hold. Once I am back down to the horses, I am glad they will carry my tired body back to camp.

As we move down towards the valley and camp, the trees start to appear. The first trees are scraggly and thin, due to surviving in the colder and harsher climate than those a few hundred feet farther down. Soon there is grass, flowers and meadows busy with the sounds and movements of insects, birds, elk, deer and other wildlife. Our senses are busy with all the activity that surrounds us. Our vision blocked by huge pine trees. We are moving in the shadow of the mountaintop, every going downward farther and farther from the top of the world.

Soon, I am back at the campground. There are people around taking and going on with what they are doing. The noise of warm campfires, the smell of cooking. I care for the horses, giving extra feed and a good brush. Their muscles are as tired as mine.

We are back in the valley, the thoughts of the day linger as the thoughts of getting back to work and family start to take over. Tonight I will sleep soundly, too tired to care about the everyday commitments I will return to in the morning.

Like taking a weekend and reaching a mountaintop, I have reached several different mountain tops during my life. Each mountain top required the some effort and struggle to reach. I have always been glad to reach the top. But once there in order to move forward in life, we must come down that mountain in order to reach the next mountain. Life does not stand still, and neither can we.

Currently, I am looking for the next mountain to climb. The mountain I was on has changed. I am not sure where I am going, or where I will be. But I do know there is a mountain for me to climb, and when I reach the top, the experience and memories will be beyond words and beautiful.

amtolle

Attitude Determines Altitude

There are times people say a few words forming a phrase and the phrase stays with you for a lifetime. The first time I heard “Attitude determines Altitude” was in my senior in high school from my English teacher. At the time I thought it referred to how well I would do in their classroom and my grade. Several years after graduation I realized the phrase, “Attitude determines Altitude” referred to how we handle the challenges life brings our way. I taught this phrase to my children. It was not until my oldest son’s senior year I really saw the strength of these three words in someone’s life.

I was working fast food, along with my oldest son. One of the young men working there was a classmate of my son. Although their only interaction was at work. After Christmas break, this young man’s mood changed, he became depressed and saw himself as a loser, and was talking about just dropping out of school. I being his shift manager, said why drop out you are almost done. I learned that he was failing math, a class required to graduate. Unless he passed math, he would not graduate and did not see a solution to his challenge.

People are stereotyped and being stereotyped is more prevalent in small towns. He stated that no one at the school would help him understand math. I told him I would help. He questioned me, why would you help me, you do not know about me and my family. He was referring to the incident involving his older brother, who did not graduate, and because of this the older brother’s girlfriend broke up with him. The older brother followed her to college, held her hostage in her dorm room, shot her in the foot, then committed suicide by cop on live television. The community turned their back on this family. I told him he was not his older brother, he was his own person and did not have to travel the same path. I would tutor him on his meal breaks at work, he agreed.

The first tutoring lesson he was very frustrated, he did not understand what to do in order to solve the equations. I stated to him “attitude determines altitude” and to look at the equation not as a problem but as a challenge. We worked almost everyday during his meal break on math. After a week of completed assignments with mostly correct answers, his math teacher asked to talk to him after class. The math teacher wanted to know why he was doing better. His reply, I have a tutor who is helping me. As we worked together, his attitude changed, he started seeing how attitude affects altitude in math and life. There were no more problems in life only challenges.

Time came for finals. Words do not describe this young man’s excitement the day he learned what his score was on the math final. He brought me the paper showing the grade “B+” and the results that he had passed the class. He was going to graduate.

Graduation night came, I went to the ceremony to see my son receive his high school diploma. I saw this young man, stand tall and proud as he walked up to receive his diploma. After the ceremony during a time friends and family gather around the graduate to congratulate them and take pictures. I was picked up off my feet and swung in a circle several times, not knowing who had grabbed me up. When my feet were allowed back on the ground, I turned and saw this extremely excited young man. He gave me a big huge, thanking me as if it were not for me he would not be there. Then he insisted I meet his parents, taking my hands and literally dragging me there due to the pace of his walk. He stopped in front of his parents, “Here she is, the one who believed and helped me get here.” His parents with tears in their eyes, thanked me. His father told me that this son was the first in the family to graduate. He had older brothers and sisters and cousins who did not graduate from high school. Now the younger ones could see and believe it was possible to graduate.

A few years later, I was visiting and ordering food in the fast food restaurant where we worked. He came in and saw me. We had a happy reunion. He was once more excited with self control to tell me how he was doing. He had left the area to work in the job corp, and decided to go to college to become a parajumper, jumping out of airplanes into the forests to fight wildfires. I also learned that all his younger siblings had graduated from high school. He attributes his success to me believing in him. I told him they did the work, it is their success.

Before this event in my life with the young man and many times after, I have faced the challenges in life. Each time I am faced with a change or challenge the three words “Attitude determines Altitude” surfaces in my mind and memories. Our perception of a challenge in life and our attitude about the challenge will determine how high we fly over the challenge.

amtolle

Facing the Unknown

I am a person who likes to have everything planned out, not just for a day but for a year and further. I want to know where I am going and what I am doing. Since my husband’s dismissal from work, our plans for the future have disappeared, or at least the clarity of the vision. Things are changing and we do not know what all the change is. Currently I am functioning with unknown plans. Flying blind as some would say. There are more questions than answers. The struggle is being prepared for the unknown change that is coming.

Attitude determines altitude, I have always believed. Not knowing what the next month or year is going to be like, sends my mind on a thinking rollercoaster. We are looking at this unknow change like an adventure. We know certain facts will not change, such as we are going to have to sell our home and move. We can work on preparing for the sale and move.

Depending on where this flight is taking my husband and I, we do know the destination, we have started decluttering our processions in preparation for a move and change. There are three classifications for items we are not using or have not used in a year – give away, sell or throw away pile. Items with memories are being sent to my children, items they were going to receive when I no longer used them. Items that are useful, but unsure if we are going to need them such as extra beds are being sold. Then there is the throw away pile which is recyclable items and just plain trash.

How does a person decided what to sell and what to keep? Currently we are selling or giving away those items we do not use daily.

Extra beds used for when family visits are being sold. We do not know how big of a house we are going to be able to purchase, so we are getting rid of furniture we only use for family visits. We figure we can buy or build beds if we need to.

Then there are the sheep. I raise sheep for a small income. What am I to do with the sheep? and the horses? One factor in making a small income with the sheep is where we live has grass for feed most of the year. Locations he has been applying for work, has very little grass for feed. Will I need to sell them all or just some?

There are more questions than answers. When couples face unknown times, they can blame one another for the situation they are in. Determining the pathway or decisions to be made can pull at a couple, cause wounds and walls to form and perhaps destroying the relationship. Or they can pull together seeing the unknown as a time for growth and strength building as individuals, as a couple and their relationship. The answers will appear in time after prayer, decisions and moving forward. The shape of our relationship takes will be determined by us. We are on an this adventure together.

Life is an unknown adventure for everyone. We do not know what tomorrow brings. We can plan for tomorrow, but until tomorrow becomes today, tomorrow in itself is unknown.

amtolle

Job Hunting

Since my husband was let go by his employer, we have been job hunting. There have been a lot of changes in how to look and apply for work in the past decade, and a lot more changes since we both first began looking for work in our youth. When I started working in the late 1970’s, I would walk into a business, meet a person, receive a paper application and fill in the information. There was contact with a person, and first impressions were made when you asked for the application. Wow, has looking for work changed!

Today, all applications are done via the internet. There is no going to a business, meeting a person and getting a paper application to fill out. If you walk into a business, you are told to go to the website or download an app to apply for work. The application is filled out using the computer and no human contact. Most businesses want a resume as well as the application.

Once the application and resume are submitted, once more a person does not see them, they are sorted by a computer program. The computer program sifts through the information provided, and determines if certain qualifications are met. If the program determines you possess the proper education, skills and work experience desired, then a person is notified of your application and resume. Finally a person to see what you have submitted. If the person thinks you are more qualified than another applicant, there may be a telephone call or email scheduling an interview.

I have been on a learning adventure. With the help of my daughter and a person at the workforce center, I have learned how to write a resume. Only you can not write just one resume. Each position you are applying has different requirements and key words the program is looking for to consider you a valid candidate for the job. So in order to be consider, a resume has to be written for each position being applied for.

Having a work history through several decades creates a long work history. But resumes are to be short. Most employers only want the last ten years. Then there are jobs you want to apply for, but it has been ten years since you worked in that field. Resumes are tricky to write. Short, simple and to the point is what is needed in a resume today. The work experience of previous jobs beyond ten years becomes skills.

Interviews, a few are in person, but most are teleconference calls with two or more people asking questions over a telephone. The applicant is still not answering a person face to face. How does a person tell if someone is not being truthful when you do not see a face. If the applicant presents themselves well through the teleconference call, then they will be asked for a in person interview. If you are not chosen for the position, you are informed via email.

Our world has changed. We shop online. If we do go to a store, we self check out. We learn classes or certifications online. We have doctor visits online. We apply for jobs online. So much of our lives is being done without contact with another human being. Our lives are becoming interactions with a sterile, unemotional, and often through a program connection to a machine. There is no warmth, no greeting, and no acknowledgement that you are truly alive.

I can not stop the way everything is going to technology without human interaction. I can not change the direction. I must work within the system. But I do not have to like it.

amtolle

See Spot Jump

I hope everyone had a pleasant and thankful Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving was in a way, a disaster. My husband’s daughter became very dramatic about a statement she had said and was held accountable for the statement. It caused me to have a PTSD moment, and I left the house. I went and stayed somewhere else for the night. The next day I returned home, and she and her children left on Saturday morning.

After they had left, my husband sat me down for a serious talk, something he very rarely does. My husband made a rule, “You are to never leave your home again. If anyone leaves it will be them, not you. This is your home and you are my wife.”

I am so very thankful for my husband. We hope things work out with his children and me, but they refuse to accept me. We can not control others or how they feel or what they want.

To get his wife out of the deep depression that accompanies a PTSD moment, my husband decided we were going to the sale barn. I am happy at the sale barn and around the people there. We went to the sale barn to visit and get away from the house. I was going to check the market, but buying was not a thought. Winter feed is expensive this year, we are going to hold on to what we have and not add more sheep. We arrived just minutes before the sale was to start. I found a friend inside and sat down to talk with him a bit. My husband stopped to talk to someone outside.

The sale started. The first animal up for bid, a bottle baby goat. The auctioneer was calling for a bid of $50 USD. I asked my friend if it was a billy or nanny. He said a billy. I could use a billy. The auctioneer continued to drop the price calling for someone to bid. When the bid reached $5.00 USD, I raised a hand. The auctioneer called for a $10.00 USD bid and a couple of hands went up. The auctioneer looked at me, $15.00 USD was the next call, I nodded. When the auctioneers gavel fell, I had purchased a bottle baby billy goat about 4 days old for $25.00 USD. Right after the gavel fell, my husband walks in next to the sale ring. The ring man pushed the baby goat towards him,”This is yours.” he said with a big grin. My husband took the goat and laid it in my lap where I was sitting.

We sat and watched the sale for about an hour with the little goat sleeping in my arms. It dawned on us we did not bring a checkbook or have cash on hand to pay for any animals, we were not going to buy. My husband left to find an ATM to get cash to pay for our new addition. After the bill was paid, we headed home as the little guy needed to be fed.

Taking care of a bottle baby goat or lamb is very much like taking care of a human baby. You have to mix formula, and feed by bottle every four hours around the clock. Since it is too cold outside for a lone baby goat or lamb to stay at night, we took a dog crate and made our new addition a place to stay in the house. I do not like to go outside in the dark and cold to bottle feed a baby goat or lamb in my pajamas. The next day we made a “play pen” for the baby goat to be outside in protected from the adult sheep and goats. Adult sheep and goats do not treat babies nicely that are not their own.

This is not the first time I have had a bottle baby in the house. My beloved sheep, PeeWee, was a bottle baby lamb. It brought back happy memories as this little goat walked, bounced and jumped in the house following my every step. The sound of pattering little feet.

Next is to find a name for our little goat. I was thinking of my five year old granddaughter, and an old reading primer from first grade. “See Spot. See Spot run.”

His name is Spot. Spot likes to run, climb, bounce, jump with the joy of just being alive and a happy goat.

Yes, my husband knows how to get his wife out of a deep depression – take her to the sheep and goat sale barn.

amtolle