Weekend Workings

Change requires new ways of doing something, sometimes new plans and occasionally new location. The closure of the sheep and goat auction I have attended the past 5 years is a major change. Learning I am going to be a grandmother to triplets is a major change.

I am a sheep farmer, my income comes from the profit I make after paying expenses for selling the sheep I raise. Basic business plan is to keep expenses low in order to have more profit. The sheep auction was close to my farm. With the closure I had to determine where I am going to haul my market lambs in order to sell. I decided to sell the market lambs directly to the processor located three hour drive one way. The processor is honest and will give me a market price for the lambs. This processor purchased my market lambs at the sheep auction, I was saved the expense of transporting the market lambs the additional 2-3 hours farther.

My breeding sheep that I sell does not change. I have always sold the breeding stock directly off the farm. No change there. I will lose the opportunity to make contacts for those wanting breeding stock. I will have to go to social media to sell.

The one problem that took some time to work a plan on was where to sell the cull sheep. The cull sheep are ewes who have lived past 8 years of age or have problems delivering lambs. I have found a sheep auction located 3 hours drive from where I live, in the opposite direction of the processor to sell the cull ewes.

Sheep farm problems solved, at least for now.

Every week I receive information in the mail and phone calls of realtors stating they have a person interested in buying my home. The real estate market is very “hot” in my location. There are more people wanting to move into this area, than there are home available. Majority of real estate listings do not stay on the market past 30 days before being under contract of purchase. Quick sells are the norm for my location.

I received such a notice in the mail this past week, saying they were looking for a home for themselves. I decided to give them a call. They came out Saturday. People tell so many lies. They were not looking for themselves but was “fishing” for a listing in my area, for a quick sale and money in their pocket.

We have entertained the idea of selling our property with the desire to move closer to my daughter who is pregnant with triplets. I know that for the next several years a helping hand will be appreciated, or more a “taxi”. My daughter’s family wants their children to be around animals and see farm life. But with the size of their soon to be family, that is monetarily out of the picture. They will have to visit Granny’s and PawPaw’s place to see and experience farm life.

We will eventually move closer, but not today and not this year.

The other activity was planting the flower and vegetable garden area. I love working in the dirt. One of my favorite places to go shopping and even window shopping is a garden center or nursery. I love looking at plants. My husband took me to the local nursery. I was able to find some plants to add to my garden area.

I also discovered Chronicles Bells. They make the most lovely sounding windchimes. The soft, harmonious sound of the windchimes was relaxing and soothing to my busy mind. The drawback was the price, the windchimes I desired were $240.00 USD. More than my budget would allow at this time. They are on the waiting list, maybe Christmas gift list. If you have the opportunity to listen to these windchimes, they are worth the effort, and the money.

I planted and transplanted vegetables and flower in the garden area. I also had to do some clean up from the winter in order to plant. I took pictures and will have future posts on what and how I place plants in my garden area and containers.

We also did the regular activities of feeding animals, buying grain and dog food, groceries. There is always something that needs to be done on the farm. I enjoy what I do.

amtolle

Decisions are Made

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Some of life’s major events that affect us personally, are decisions made by others. I am adopted. I had no say in my adoption. The fact I was adopted was kept from me, my parents never once told me I was adopted. The grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, my husbands were told I was adopted, even my parents’ two natural children were told of my adoption. I was not. My mother denied I was adopted when I told her I had to be adopted when I was 30ish years old. At the age of 48, a cousin finally admitted to me I was adopted. The big life secret about me was finally in the open. The need to deny and not talk to me about being adopted is baffling, but not my decision.

I was 48 when I requested and received my adoption papers and information, including an original birth certificate. I had an organization called Adoption Angels locate my birth parents. My birth mother was already deceased. I supposedly have some half siblings for both my birth mother and birth father.

Lately, after some comments from a previous blog I posted, I made a decision to look into the adoption process of the time. The one question that had always troubled me was why I was put up for adoption. Previous research I discovered the wedding certificate of my birth parents. My birth parents were married as teenagers. According to the laws of the time period they would have required parental consent in order to get a marriage license and be married. It was not a runaway to Las Vegas to get married scenario.

They were married two years before I was born. So why was I put up for adoption by a married couple?

Those are decisions made where I have no consent or influence. I live with the consequences, but they did also.

Currently, I restarted the research of my adoption to perhaps find some answers. Those answers are going to be a little difficult to find considering my adopt took place over 50 almost 60 years ago. My adoption happened during what is termed the “Baby Scoop Era”. Where young pregnant usually unwed mothers were sent away to have their babies and return home without the child.

During this time was the sexual revolution, breaking the bonds of no sex until after matrimony. After World War II, women were experiencing new freedoms previous generations had not been given. But, some of the old rules of no sex until marriage were kept in place, since the only legal form of birth control was a condom. Yet, according to society, it was the woman’s fault if she got pregnant out of wedlock. These children who were born out of wedlock was their mother’s “dirty little secret” and was to be kept a secret for a lifetime.

Photo of babies at an unwed mothers home

In my research, I discovered that the women who gave children up for adoption kept their secret for a lifetime. They never told future husbands, their children or other family members. The only family members who knew of the given up child, was the mother’s parents.

Along with my research, I came across organizations who try to help adoptees reconnect with their biological families. I read the testimonies, one woman who was adopted during the time frame I was, found her biological mother. She was able to meet her biological mother, but not her half siblings. The biological mother was not ready to tell her children about her. The woman also shared, her biological mother never told her biological father about the pregnancy.

These women who became pregnant, went to an unwed mothers home and gave up their child, kept the secret of giving up a child as strongly as my parents refused to tell me I was adopted.

My biological father was an United States Marine at the time of my birth. Today, he is 80ish years old. If he knew of my birth, that I existed, would he even remember? Would his memory be clear? He has lived his life, do I have the right or would it be right to disrupt his golden years with my discovery? What type of shock of emotions if he did not know I existed, to suddenly learn he had a daughter when he was twenty?

My biological mother is deceased, she died before I was 48 years old and seen my adoption records. Her children, my half siblings, do I have the right to put a mark on their mother’s memory? They by all reason were never told of my existence, do I have a right to disrupt their lives?

The most important questions are what do I gain, how would contacting them be helpful for me? Answer some questions about why I was put up for adoption, doubtful. Medical family history, probably not much help since I have lived to be 60ish, doctors feel if I was going to have a health problem was could be prevented by knowing my family medical history, it would have already showed up. My biological family medical history is not necessary information that I need at this point in my life.

I have and continue to live my life by causing no harm to others. Even if the person deserves to get a “beating”, I am reluctant to give the beating. Example, I kicked a cheating boyfriend out of the house by beating him with the couch cushions, instead of the cast iron frying pan he deserved.

I choose to live in harmony and to not disturb the harmony of others’ lives. I can only see if I pursue the research of finding my biological father and half-siblings of causing a rift in the harmony of their lives. The reactions to my existence and possible interaction may cause hostility towards me and disrupt the harmony I have in my own life.

So, for once and for all, I am going to make the final decision. I am not going to not pursue the finding of my biological family. My oldest daughter has expressed a desire to search out my biological family, a desire I will discuss with her as to what the consequences of doing so may be.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I wish and pray for my biological family to have peace, joy and a good life. I will bury my questions under a rose bush in remembrance of my biological parents and family.

amtolle

P.S. I plant different rose bushes as remembrances of those were important in my life who are deceased.