Before cell phones, I could remember and recall all my friends and family’s phone numbers. Today, I am barely able to remember my own cell phone number. My husband has the same problem. We do not remember people’s phone numbers.
The reason for this forgetfulness… we do not use their numbers to contact them. Used to we had to dial or punch the buttons to make a phone call. Today, we look up a name and press a button. We no longer repeat the number when we wish to call someone. Lack of using the numbers.
Yet, I can remember several passwords for facebook, email, wordpress and other online accounts that I have.
Usage is what builds our memory of numbers, letters and sequences, grammar and vocabulary.
Any learning we have gained has been from usage of the information. I notice I can not speak Spanish or Navajo as I used to. I still comprehend what is being said, but I have trouble formulating the sentences for conversation.
“If you do not use it, you will lose it.” was a common saying from my teachers while in school.
My oldest daughter and the grandchildren are coming for a visit in July. There was a baby shower scheduled for my daughter who is pregnant with triplets. The baby shower was cancelled due to my pregnant daughter going to be in the hospital at that time, and stay until the triplets are born.
My oldest daughter is coming for a visit. She will stay with me and we will visit the pregnant mother. The grandchildren will stay at our house and be watched by my husband.
Since she and her children have not been here before, I am overly excited. I want everything to be perfect. But in truth, I will not accomplish perfect, but things will be nice.
One request from my daughter is to teach her daughters how to ride a horse. They have ridden horses used for dude rides, but never a finished horse. A finished horse does maneuvers simply by turning your head in the direction you want to go. When watching an experienced rider and a finished horse perform, it looks like the horse reads the rider’s mind. They move as one, and perform some wonderful maneuvers. I have trained one of my horses to be very light and finished. This horse is also a very good children’s mount and teacher. What some call in the horse world, a “horse master”.
When I was training horses and teaching riding lessons, my children were learning beside me. They became very good riders, and those who wanted to train, learned the skills to train a horse to be a partner, not a servant. I hoped that my children would pass the skills on to their children, but none of them have horses or desire to be horse trainers.
I will be able to share with my granddaughters the love of the horse and how to ride as a partner, one with the horse in body and mind.
I am cleaning the tack, riding one horse whos training is not complete, hoping to have her training to where the young girls can ride her. Busy getting the spare bedrooms ready. I will have to set up a crib for the two year old, as he still sleeps in a crib. Meal planning and activity plans.
The activity plans are for my husband for when he has the three grandchildren, while my daughter and I are at the hospital visiting. My husband does not think of games or activities for inside very much. He is an outdoors type person, playing catch, going fishing, or just messing around. Since it is going to be hot during the midday, he needs options ready for him.
Besides horseback riding we will go fishing. The grandchildren have heard from their cousin and seen pictures of big catfish to catch. They want to try to meet or beat his record. The tack needs to be resupplied from the visit with my grandson.
Since it is hot during summertime days, there will be games to be played inside where it is cool. Hopefully, I can get our famous swimming pool ready….the six foot across horse trough.
The sheep will start having lambs a week before they arrive. A busy time for me. All my regular work, lambing and preparing for a week long visit.
The grandchildren are excited, horses, sheep and lambs, puppies and dogs, fishing and who knows what else they think they might do here. I want to be ready to meet those young and ambitious expectations.
My grandson, J. , has been with me for three weeks. We look forward to the summer weeks we spend together. The time is precious to me when he visits, so I focus on him and making precious memories. This year there were some milestones reached, and my “little boy” is growing up. A sobering undertone realized by both of us on this summer visit.
When he was barely two, he came to live with me for 18 months, part of the time his father lived with us. The start of summer time visits began. Each summer he has come to visit for three weeks to a month. Our visit begins with a long drive, I live in Texas, he lives in Colorado, 15 hours one way. Traveling is not a bad way to start the summer visit, we talk during the drive, catching up on the happenings of the year and making plans for what we are going to do during the short time he is with me. During these visits there are two things we always make sure we do, ride his horse and fish.
The horse he rides is the horse I gave him when he was two years old. My mare I competed in Reined Cow Horse events. She is an awesome children’s mount. This year she turned 16 years old. I purchased him a saddle he has ridden in all these years. When he mounted this year, the stirrups had to be lengthened once more, to the last hole, the longest they will go down. Lengthening the stirrups to the last hole was a visual sign he was growing up, his last summer in the children’s saddle. Next year he will have to ride in my saddle, an adult saddle.
20 1/2 inche channel catfish.
Fishing, my little man loves to fish. His journey began when he was two and would reel in the perch I or Grandpaw hooked. He graduated to an adult pole when he was seven. That year he caught his first big catfish, a 28 inch channel catfish. When he finally got it to the bank, his arms hurt. The fish was longer than half his height. This summer he caught two nice catfish, a channel catfish that was 20 1/2 inches long, and a blue catfish measuring 20 inches long. We use a tape measure to measure the fish, not going to have any “fishing tales”. He has out fished me the past five or six years.
Our fishing hole for the big catfish.
This year, I and Grandpaw have decided to move closer to my daughter, his aunt. That means it will be a two hour drive to our lake, instead of five minutes. He has learned to fish at this lake, and it is where he has caught his largest fish to date. He mentioned we would need to travel back to our lake, at least once every summer. The lake is open to everyone, but there are very few people, if any when we go fishing. We are alone, the two of us, with the lake and wildlife, as if it is our own personal lake.
The lake is a nice place to enjoy our surrounding and to talk. This year we talked about him turning thirteen. He is getting older and will soon want to do something different than visit Granny. He will have a job, a girlfriend, and other things. I let him know when the time comes he does not have time to visit in the summer, it is ok. As a young boy becomes a young man, things change, change is not bad. Living is about change, we learn to do new things and remember the past things we did.
Every summer there is work to do as well as play. He helps with the chores. This year he did the chores on his own. Caring for the animals brings him joy. We also sanded a dresser for my daughter who is having triplets. In the past he has helped me build sheds, paint fence, build dog houses, plant fruit trees and bushes, and care for the garden. This year we worked on refinishing an old dresser.
We also did something he has an interest in, baking and decorating cakes. We watched shows on decorating cakes. He baked a cake for his cousin’s birthday and learned to decorate the cake. His cousin loves strawberries. The cake was a simple white cake made from scratch, not a box. The frosting was cream cheese frosting. The layers were seperated with a strawberry reduction. The pokemon, decoration is fondant. We had fun working on the cake together, sharing ideas and learning.
I have had to learn to share my grandson. This year my daughter, her husband and daughter took him to the ocean for a weekend. He loves the water and enjoyed the visit to the ocean. They also played miniature golf and games at an arcade, while my daughter sat in a room.
Then it was time for the trip home, another 15 hours in the truck traveling home. We make a stop at my other daughter’s family’s home to sleep before going on to his home. This year, his baby sister was born when we arrived at my daughter’s home. So for the last leg of the trip home, his aunt and his other grandpa (my ex-husband) were with us. We dropped him off with his mom. He later met his dad and us, at the hospital to see his baby sister.
We have traveled through good times and bad times, challenges and disappointments in life. The one person he can talk to without any reserves or fears, is Granny. These visits help him to recenter and refresh to handle the challenges that arrive in the year. This year, I realized he has learned the tools to handle any challenge that may come his way.
My “little boy” is growing up, and soon he will be a man. The time of calling my grandson, “my little boy” is coming to a close. He will always remain my close buddy and fishing partner. We have many memories to share.
My children have become good people. They have good jobs, excellent work ethic, not been in jail. Each child moved out of the house when they graduated from high school. People have asked me how I managed to get my children to leave home, keep a job and pay their own bills. My answer for many years was “I do not know, I guess a lot of prayer.”
I prayed daily for my children, and still do. I also pray for my grandchildren.
My mother did not want to adopt me, and did not accept me until her very late years. I remember as a child, my mother did not say words of acceptance to me. I felt I was not accepted and therefore not loved. And truth is when I was a child I was not I was determined I would not be the type of mother my adopted mother was to me. I would encourage and let my children know they were accepted, loved and I was there to help them be the person they were to be.
Watching my children raise their children I seen a pattern of speaking to the children. I am reminded of phrases I used with my own children, being spoken by my children now adults to their children.
Simple words, words spoken of encouragement and acceptance.
A few of the phrases are:
Good Job.
Great work.
I like that.
Keep going, almost there.
You got it.
Looking good.
I like that _____.
You are getting better at that everyday.
Thank you for helping.
There are words for when they are too small to help or do what I am doing:
Thank you for wanting to help, but at this time you are too small or it is too dangerous for you to help, but you can watch and learn.
Our words affect how a person sees and understands themselves. Children are not the only ones who need encouraging words, adults also need encouragement.
Each year I drive the long miles to pick up my grandson, Mr. J. He has come to my home each summer since he was four years old. He actually lived with me for nine months starting at age two. Circumstances with the divorce of his parents, and his mother moving to Texas, he needed a place to stay for awhile until she became settled. Granny’s house was a good place to go. Then his father came to Texas and stayed with us for nine months. So, for over a year he lived at our house.
When things settled and his parents found their rhythm in life, he came for visits. The length of time started as a whole month. But as children grow, they have other activities. This year Mr. J will visit for three weeks.
The drive to bring him to Texas and return him home is the worst part of our summertime visit. Two days on the road makes a long trip. On the trip to Texas we talk about the year and catch up. We also make plans for what we will do this visit.
This year, we are fishing and riding horses. His horse is not caring for a baby this year, and we will be able to go on rides. He has been riding her since he was two, they are both getting older. There will come a time when he will not be able to ride his beloved Vicky horse.
Fishing is another activity he started learning at the age of two. We would take him to the local lakes, hook the perch and let him reel in the fish. He has learned how to bait his own hook, take off his own fish, and how to put rigging on his pole. The first day of fishing this year, his first fish was a channel catfish, 20 1/2 inches long, weight 3.5 pounds. His largest fish he has brought to show was three years ago, a channel catfish 28 inches long.
But staying with Granny is not all play, there are the daily chores of taking care of the sheep and horses. We are also refinishing a dresser for his aunt who is having triplets. He has learned how to paint different items in the past visits, but this year he is learning how to hand sand and refinishing an old dresser, and make some minor improvements and repairs.
Two years ago when Covid-19 broke out and everyone was on lockdown, he could not come for summer visit. His mother said he was miserable. She said that would not happen again. His summertime visits are a recharge for him. A time to learn new things and just be a kid.
Mr. J and I have a special relationship, grandmother and grandson, but also best friends. He is able to talk to me about anything and everything, without feeling judgement or getting in trouble. We have worked through some of his hard problems, learned how to deal with emotions,the problems that arise from having divorced parents and step parents.
During our fishing trip, we discussed that these summertime visits will eventually come to an end. He is getting older. One year he will have a job, or be at college, and unable to take three or four weeks visits with Granny. He is getting older, growing up and will eventually have commitments and responsibilities, that he does not have today. Today, we will enjoy the talks on the lake banks waiting for the big catfish to bite, or feeling the rhythmic hoofbeats under us as we ride.
He also realizes that the day will come when his beloved Vicky horse will no longer be able to carry him on a ride, she is sixteen this year. His hope is to ride her filly born last year, when the filly will be old enough to ride. And perhaps, he will be able to train her, be the first on her back for the first ride.
It has been a cherished joy to teach my grandson the many lessons, first to be talk using words, to learning to ride alone, to catching and reeling in a 28 inch catfish. Memories we both will cherish for a lifetime and beyond.
So, if I miss a day or two from writing the next few weeks, I am out fishing or riding or working on a dresser, building more memories to recall in the future and a relationship for a lifetime.
It is the time of year I start receiving graduation announcements. Family members and young people who I watched grow up are finishing the last days of high school and graduating. Graduation is a time of celebration, their childhood work of education is completed and they are stepping into adulthood.
In the United States, a child begins the education journey with their first step into a kindergarten classroom. For thirteen years they will attend public education provided by the country. This is only the beginning to a lifetime journey of learning.
I hear seniors say they will be so glad to be out of school, they are tired of learning, lessons, tests and homework. Truth is schooling is the easy lessons to learn. The lessons from life are pass or fail. There is a cost when you fail the lesson in life.
Learning continues in after high school graduation with the choices. One pathway is to continue with structured classes in a college or university to obtain an occupational degree. Others choose to become certified in an occupation such as beautician, electrician and many others. Some choose to enter into military service for the country. Last, there are those who just want to get a job, and figure out what they want to do. Regardless of the choice to continue with more structured learning, all will start their lessons of life.
Lessons taught on financial responsibility. Some young people are surprised by the expense of having a cellphone. A common item used daily, that is paid for by their parents, now becomes their responsibility to keep the bill paid.
Time management is another life lesson. Balancing time spent with college or work and with family and friends. Balancing having fun with what is required to pay their new found bills, and not falling asleep.
After high school, people seperate to start their new adventure in life. Some leaving their hometown for the first time. Learning people from different places do not think the same as they do on a vast array of subjects. There is work involved in keep friendships alive when they are not seeing each other daily, often having a visit months apart. Making new friends and keeping old friends, and developing romantic relationships without supervisor or wise words from parents.
The lessons young people learn after graduation are lessons they will continue to learn as adults for a lifetime. We meet new people, we learn new jobs, our old friends move away or we move away from them. Our lives and the lives around us are always changing, and the lessons are learned and refined as we gain in age.
Do we ever arrive at knowing how to work around those we may not agree with? Do our friendships never change? I do not think we are ever “done” with learning.
We change yearly, hopefully getting better at our life lessons. Looking forward to the next adventure, the new friend and making wiser choices.
I have taken some time away from my blog to grieve, grieve for my sister-in-law, Sally. Sally went to be with the Lord the day before Easter this year. A memorial was held on May 7, and her ashes spread on May 8, Mother’s Day.
I was unable to attend. The services and placement of her ashes were in Wyoming, a long way from where I live. My husband attended. Being separated during the time of grieving for a close relative is difficult. I wanted to be next to him with love, support and comfort. He had lost his only full sibling, two years his junior.
I had met and visited with Sally on several occasions. When we traveled north to visit family, I made sure we visited her, let her know she was accepted by her brother’s new wife, and she was important. We hit it off. She enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed hers.
I wished I had been able to visit her in person before her stepping through the door, but it was not to be. I am a sheep farmer, responsible for the well being of my sheep, horses and dogs. She understood my situation.
My husband brought back a few personal things that belonged to her. Sally had few possessions, she only kept what meant the most to her. A family portrait, a clown statue her mother had, a few Christmas ornaments, a verse she had written while missing her mother, little things attached to memories.
A sister-in-law chose a leather jacket Sally always wore. Inside the pocket was the ticket stub when we all gathered in Texas for the State Fair of Texas. The last time all four siblings were together. That occasion meant alot to all of us, but apparently was very important to Sally. Everytime she placed her hand in the pocket, she was reminded of being with her sibling, half-siblings and their spouses. The happy day of all of us together sharing memories and making new ones.
Her life was not easy. Their parents divorced when she was two years old. Her father did not spend much time with her due to different situations. Her stepdad did not accept her. She longed for a father’s love. She was closests to her mother, and when their mother went home to the Lord, Sally was lonely.
The day before Easter, the day celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, Sally went to be with her Heavenly Father. She was baptised as a young girl, but was not raised in church. She loved God, she prayed, but she was unable to touch or feel God. Sally now has the touch and feel of a Father’s Love, something she searched for during her lifetime.
We all grieve in different ways. I choose solitude and prayer. I am gradually finding the places to put the few things we have from Sally. She will always remain in our hearts, and will have a place in our home.
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While watching a murder mystery where a policeman was undercover as a college professor teaching English Literature. The policeman gave the students an assignment of writing their own obituary. This brought to mind a Bible study I participated in years ago titled “One Month to Live”. In the Bible study we were to write our obituary, epilogue and what our headstone would say. Sounds morbid, but the focus on the Bible study was are we living life, and are we living a life in a the way we want to be remembered.
Are you living your life in the way you want to be remember? Are you grouchy to people in the check out line, instead of patient for your turn? Are your reactions the actions you want people to remember?
The study brought to focus, that I was not really living life. I was home, alone doing what needed to be done, but not really having joy in the day. I was not in conscente communication with my children. And due to the distance, I was not finding ways to have my grandchildren know who I was. There were things I needed to change.
I wanted my grandchildren to know more about me than just I am their parents’ mother. I wanted to know my grandchildren beyond a name and birthdate.
Obituaries tell the facts about a person’s life. Their spouse, how many children, grandchildren. Where a person grew up, what school or schools they graduated from, and organizations they may have belonged to.
The epilogue is where someone tells others what type of person you are. They give information to how you feel and react, what you believe, what are the most important memories of you from those who know you. The epilogue tells what type of person you are and your life.
My epilogue was faded, vague not much in comparison to what I wanted to be remembered for doing and being.
How would the life you are currently living align with what you would want to be said in an epilogue? What type of memories would be shared by those you care about and love concerning you?
My epilogue has changed since the Bible study. I made changes to my life. I get out of the house, there are others besides family who know me as a person, not just a name. My grandchildren can share stories of things we have done together. I once again have dreams and goals for my life, although I am in the downward side of my lifespan, I have things I want to do and be remembered for doing.
How does your life align with what you would like shared in your epilogue?
Everyday, without fail, I make the decision regarding what is served for dinner at 6 pm. My husband is able to cook, but what he cooks is not healthy. He loves cooking everything in one pan (less dishes to wash), fried. When we met his dinner was Hamburger Helper with a can of vegetables added. Needless to say I have made his life healthier and with more variety in what he eats.
There is always the question “What’s for dinner?” that I must answer daily. I love grilled steaks, grilled corn on the cob and a salad for dinner. There is the budget to keep balanced. Steak is good on occasion but not healthy everyday. The cost of steaks today, the bank account would be zero.
The challenge is to prepare healthy meals, variety and stay within the budget.
As a child I was excited to become an adult. In high school we were required to take a class, Early Adulthood. This class covered job applications and interviews, how to balance a checkbook, make a budget, the process of a marriage, renting and buying a home, divorce and funerals. There was nothing said the daily decision on what to feed yourself and a family.
My parents did their best to prepare me for adulthood. My mom never mentioned the constant decision of what to fix her family for dinner.
Somehow telling a child “When you become an adult, you will have to decide what you are going to eat everyday.” was not important. There is a lot that goes into deciding what a person should eat.
First, there is what they like to eat, favorite foods and those they hate and refuse to eat.
Then there is the budget. Many of us can not afford to go to a store and get whatever food their taste buds desire.
Health, the meals prepared need to be healthy. “Garbage in, Garbage out” is true when it comes to what we feed our bodies. In order to stay healthy, we have to put healthy foods into our bodies. Providing our bodies with the proper nutrients and in balance, not too much of this vitamin and enough of that mineral, keeps our bodies working properly allowing us to grow, work, and enjoy life.
Then the time required to prepare the meal. Working a job takes time away from preparing a nutritious meal for ourselves and our families. Crockpots and planning ahead help with the time management of preparing a meal.
All things considered and executed daily to answer our loved one’s question: “What is for dinner?”
Ironically for many decades being a housewife was not considered an occupation and did not require a skill set. A very untrue statement. The meal planning and budgeting and cooking required skills.
We gathered for the 80th birthday celebration for Hank, a dear friend of ours. Before Covid-19, a group sometimes large and sometimes small would meet every Friday at Casa Torres for dinner and conversation. The people who came had one thing in common, they were friends of Hank and his wife. Horses was the other thing everyone had in common. Those who came were owners or previous owners of horses, the common thread of the group.
We met Hank and his wife when I answered an ad for a stall cleaner. I worked for them, cleaning 18 stalls every weekend for six months. We became very good friends. I only worked cleaning stalls for six months, my older body could not handle the physical labor of 18 stalls.
Shortly after starting to work for Hank and his wife, we were invited to join the Friday Dinner Group at Casa Torres. Most of those we met were older than my husband and I, as most of the group was retired. Some of us talked about current horse events we were training and competing in. Others talked about past events and horses. The conversations were about horses, riding techniques, chiropractors, farriers, and the events competed in. We would talk until told the restaurant was closing.
Tonight the whole group, less two who happened to be in the Cayman Islands, were there, 27 of us. We had gathered to celebrate the birthday of a remarkable man and dear friend.
It was so pleasurable to see and talk with everyone again. Conversation was catching up with each other’s lives from the two years we had not seen one another. Learning the ups and downs, injuries and horses retired.
I feel the Covid-19 stole two years from life. In the beginning of Covid-19, with states restricting where people could go, I could not even visit family. Casa Torres had closed. No dinner meetings. No seeing friends, since they were quite a few years older than myself, I would not risk exposing them to Covid-19. The area we would trail ride was closed.
We all had missed each other and the weekly gatherings at Casa Torres.
As business and the area gradually opened. Some of us were able to meet to ride. When riding horses, you are more than six feet apart. But the Friday dinner group did not meet. Hank, who went on dialysis a year before Covid-19 would not risk being exposed. He also has not ridden horses for over a year.
We had gathered to celebrate a birthday for Hank. There were to be no gifts.
There was a gift given, from Hank to all of us, we all met together.
Tonight was special.
Tonight will be remember.
We gathered again at Casa Torres.
amtolle
P.S. The restaurant had cleared all the tables and all the chairs, except ours were on the tables. We had left after closing tonight.
Me, Myself and I 