Ay, Matie Where Ye Treasure Be?

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March 2020, lockdowns in the United States due to Covid-19 outbreak, turned pandemic. I had plans that year of traveling. Every year, at the end of May when school lets out for the summer, I travel from Texas to Colorado to pick up my grandson, Mr. J, for our summer visit. This year was even more special, Mr. J’s father and his wife were expecting identical twins. The first multiple birth in our family. The plans were for me to have my visit with Mr. J for our regular three weeks. Return to Colorado with him in June, and stay to help out before and when the twins arrive at the end of July.


All my travel plans are cancelled. No one can enter the state of Colorado, especially if they are from Texas. A travel ban put in place by the state of Colorado. I would not see my grandson in 2020. I would not be there to help my son, his wife with their three children while she was on bed rest due her pregnancy of identical twins.

Health visits were restricted to what was absolutely necessary. Medical procedures were only done for life threatening conditions. A pregnancy of twins is not considered life threatening. The bare minimum of ultrasounds and doctor visits were allowed for my daughter-in-law and her identical twin boys.

In June what would have become a weekly visit to see the doctor and be examined, were instead telephone visits with a once a month physical exam. The middle of July, my daughter-in-law felt things were not right, but there were no physical symptoms of things being wrong.

The end of July, she went to the hospital, said she felt something wrong as the babies had not moved for a few days. They performed an ultrasound, her last one was performed three months prior. They were looking to see if the babies were practicing breathing, and lung development for a possible delivery. During the ultrasound one of the twins started to crash, heart beat dove downward – an emergency delivery was performed.

For three and half hours they worked on Eugene, trying to get oxygen in his system and his vitals stable. There was no more they could do. Our little Eugene died. The cause, Twin to Twin Transfusion that could have been detected by ultrasound if one had been performed.

Was it the fault of her regular doctor? Who is to blame for not identifying the condition and her receiving treatment for this condition?

Upon medical review by the state of Colorado and an outside source, as there was a lawsuit brought forth, the attending physician did all they were allowed to do at the time for the care of a pregnant woman carrying twins. The restriction of medical procedures in hospitals, because the ultrasound to look for twin to twin transfusion is only able to be done with equipment located in a hospital where my son and his family are located, is the cause of the death. Twin to Twin Transfusion is not life-threatening unless it is identified. To identify Twin to Twin Transfusion requires regular ultrasounds to monitor the development of the babies and placenta during the pregnancy.

Those restrictions put into place to prevent and control the spread of Covid-19, would not allow my daughter-in-law to have an ultrasound just to monitor the babies, something had to be wrong first. When they knew something was wrong, it was too late.

To lose a child is no greater pain. I was unable to be with my son, my daughter-in-law and grandchildren during this time of lose. Our family suffered the loss of a child, a nephew, a cousin, a grandchild separated by regulations and restrictions. There was no memorial, as most of us could not even enter the state of Colorado due to the state regulations on travel.

The greatest treasure is family. The time spent with family to make memories, to help and assist when needed are joys we all share. Yet, this treasure was taken from us in order for a virus to be controlled and treated.

Did those restrictions help? I doubt it, as the virus is still here, the vaccines do not work as those vaccinated still get Covid-19. Now we live without all the restrictions and the number of cases are the same, although the deaths have dropped because now they know what treatments work.

Treasure lost – a child, a future, a joy.


Eugene holding mommy’s hand


Dealing with Grief

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I have taken some time away from my blog to grieve, grieve for my sister-in-law, Sally. Sally went to be with the Lord the day before Easter this year. A memorial was held on May 7, and her ashes spread on May 8, Mother’s Day.

I was unable to attend. The services and placement of her ashes were in Wyoming, a long way from where I live. My husband attended. Being separated during the time of grieving for a close relative is difficult. I wanted to be next to him with love, support and comfort. He had lost his only full sibling, two years his junior.

I had met and visited with Sally on several occasions. When we traveled north to visit family, I made sure we visited her, let her know she was accepted by her brother’s new wife, and she was important. We hit it off. She enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed hers.

I wished I had been able to visit her in person before her stepping through the door, but it was not to be. I am a sheep farmer, responsible for the well being of my sheep, horses and dogs. She understood my situation.

My husband brought back a few personal things that belonged to her. Sally had few possessions, she only kept what meant the most to her. A family portrait, a clown statue her mother had, a few Christmas ornaments, a verse she had written while missing her mother, little things attached to memories.

A sister-in-law chose a leather jacket Sally always wore. Inside the pocket was the ticket stub when we all gathered in Texas for the State Fair of Texas. The last time all four siblings were together. That occasion meant alot to all of us, but apparently was very important to Sally. Everytime she placed her hand in the pocket, she was reminded of being with her sibling, half-siblings and their spouses. The happy day of all of us together sharing memories and making new ones.

Her life was not easy. Their parents divorced when she was two years old. Her father did not spend much time with her due to different situations. Her stepdad did not accept her. She longed for a father’s love. She was closests to her mother, and when their mother went home to the Lord, Sally was lonely.

The day before Easter, the day celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, Sally went to be with her Heavenly Father. She was baptised as a young girl, but was not raised in church. She loved God, she prayed, but she was unable to touch or feel God. Sally now has the touch and feel of a Father’s Love, something she searched for during her lifetime.

We all grieve in different ways. I choose solitude and prayer. I am gradually finding the places to put the few things we have from Sally. She will always remain in our hearts, and will have a place in our home.