amtolle

DNA

Most people know who their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family are. They have stories of how the family traveled to different parts of the country, stories of hardship and triumph. Families know of common illness and if they are prone to twins.

I was adopted. I have none of that type of information about my family, what nationalities run in my family. Common medical conditions are unknown.

Majority of people have a family tree, roots go deep to support future generation. I am the beginning of my family tree, the roots are unknown.

You go to a doctor, or ER as I have, what do you tell them for family medical history..I am adopted. My daughters see a doctor for their pregnancies, they want to know family history, all they have is my history and their father’s family medical history.

All those forms where the request you to mark your nationality. I and my children mark, “other”. We do not really know for a fact what nationality we are.

So I ordered a DNA kit.

What do I expect from this DNA kit?

To learn of my nationalities. I will never know how my ancestors reached this country, or what hardships my relatives faced and overcame. I will learn what nationalities run through my veins.

The DNA tests will inform me of medical conditions I am predisposed to. Does not mean I will get heart disease, but will inform me if I am predisposed to heart disease. Allowing me to take precautions with diet and exercise.

The DNA tests will inform me of genetic medical conditions that are inherited. This can be a little scary. So far in my life, I have good health, no major health problems. Do I really want to know if I carry a genetic medical condition. Not so much for myself, but for my children and grandchildren.

As an adoptee, this is a place to start filling in some of the gaps of a family history. There is a small chance of learning of some DNA relatives. Meeting those relatives would depend on if they choose to meet me.

As an adoptee there are times I feel like I am a cloud, without roots or a place. The DNA information will not change the fact I am adopted, but will provide information to give me a sliver of family history to pass forward.

amtolle

Prayer and Forgiveness

When I married my second husband, I knew without a doubt that God had told me he was to be my husband. We had three beautiful children, a boy and two girls. I had a boy from my first marriage. Our family was two boys and two girls. We were not wealthy, although before we were married he had given my dad the impression he was well off. Money was not what makes a marriage. I liked his commitment to God, his values on family, activities we did together and other things.

But years move forward, he had trouble with taking care of family needs and ministering to others. The ministering to others came first in his life, wife and family was further down the list. He believed the stories (lies) from others over my story. I was left to shuttle children on my own. After five years, I was not in love with him, but stayed. The reason, I was not going to break my vows to God when we were married.

I was the major parent, and sometimes the only parent. I look back and I do not know how I did all that I did. I shuttled children to sports practices and games, theatre practices and performances, school events, 4-H meetings and county fairs, taught three 4-H projects in the club, trained horses, did riding clinics and riding lessons and raised foals for five years, as well as go to college to become a licensed teacher. I also worked three jobs: night manager for fast food, waitress and horse trainer, and sometimes part-time bookkeeper. A person can not keep going with that schedule.

The first event to happen was my health failed. My family doctor, and he was the best, could not find a diagnosis although my body functions were shutting down, and I had a very irregular heart rate. The other events snowballed. Things did not stop until I made the decision to leave, get a divorce. I moved out with the three youngest children, my oldest had graduated and was in the Air Force. The year of our divorce 2002.

The events that snowballed and pushed me out of the house left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My three younger children had lifetime scars. It was not physical violence against us. I only wanted to be away from the cause of my pain, deep haunting pain.

The divorce was not pleasant, when the dust settled, two children were with me, our oldest daughter stayed with him. He continued his ministry to others and going to the church. I changed churches and denominations. I moved away from the town we had lived in. I started on a path of searching and not finding. In my heart I could not stand to look at him or hear his voice, a new location was necessary.

We both had our failings during the years. There was bitterness on both sides. But time moves us forward. I started seeing a counselor to gain some control over my anxiety and learn tools to deal with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I learned to not blame myself for others mistakes or wrong doings. I had always worked at having a relationship with my oldest daughter, but she had things to sort through as well.

Five years ago, after her wedding, which I attended (even pinned the boutonniere on her dad before the wedding without any malice) on a visit, she wanted to talk. A year before the wedding, I had cleaned out all the files on the divorce, except the divorce decree with my name change. I had closed the door, gave him to God and left him there. Now my oldest daughter wanted to talk. I told her the facts of my illness, and that when I moved out my body started healing. Stress will kill you. She had come to see her father as a man, not just her father. He is a hard man to live with. I answered her questions with honesty, not covering up my mistakes and not blaming him for everything.

She asked for forgiveness for the things she had said to me years back as a teenager, saying she would be heartbroken if her daughters ever said those things to her. I had forgiven her when she said them, I knew they were the words of her father. I had spent years crying and praying over the loss of our relationship, wanting her to be near, yet she was so far away. During the talk and those that followed, bridges were being rebuilt. A relationship renewed.

The last two years, I have let her know, I will tolerate her father being around. I had forgiven him and there would be peace on my side. We do not have control of what others do, but I would show peace. I know he is important to her and her children. The grandchildren will never know of any dislike between their Grandpa and Granny.

In May, when I went to pick up my grandson for his summer visit at Granny’s, my ex-husband wanted to talk. We talked for several hours, he admitted to doing things wrong, expressed his struggles during our marriage. I told him I had forgiven him years ago, to release myself from the bitterness of the divorce and him. He now understands the sensitivity and talents I have, and has seen the same in his daughters and grandchildren. Forgiveness is not really for the other person, it is for myself or you, to not have bitterness, hatred, and other negative feelings and thought holding you in one place, unable to move forward with your life and purpose.

This June in taking my grandson back to my son, we always stop at my oldest daughter’s for a night or two before continuing. This year, the day I was to take my grandson home, his little sister was born. I offered to give everyone a ride to Grand Junction to see the baby girl.

The plan was to surprise my son with the appearance of his mom, dad and oldest sister coming together for a visit. But, the grandson answered my cellphone when his dad called, as I was driving, and told our secret.

We went to my son’s home. Our son was a little surprise and not sure what to think with his mom and dad in the same vehicle for a four hour drive. We learned he was replacing the swamp cooler as it had quit. I always drive a truck, and it was needed to haul a swamp cooler. First stop was get swamp cooler from Lowe’s, then visit the mother and little girl at the hospital, then return home to install swamp cooler. We took two vehicles, my daughter rode with me. The town had changed since I lived there with new roads, so we got lost going to Lowe’s. We got the swamp cooler, then got lost going to hospital, again new roads. We parked in a parking lot, not the parking garage. One ton pickup trucks with dual rear tires do not fit well in parking garages. We then had to find a door to the hospital that was opened, Sunday they close all entrances except one.

We visited with mom, held the new granddaughter (number 12) and took pictures. Then went to my son’s home and began working installing the swamp cooler. Again, my daughter and I got lost, seen the area, due to new roads.

It had been over twenty years since all of us were together. There was laughing, joking and working to take one swamp cooler down and taking all four of us to get the new swamp cooler up the ladder, on the roof and in place. When we finished, it was getting dark. Then time to start the four hour drive back to where my daughter lives.

My ex-husband has changed very little over the years. He is who he is. He gets on everyone’s nerves at times. But we accept that he is who he is. He is more relaxed and enjoys playing with the grandchildren more than he did with his own children.

The past years I had lots of prayers. I had some serious discussions on why I married the man. God showed me his mother praying. No one would ever had married him, he would not have had children or grandchildren. I asked God why me, the answer was because I was strong enough to answer the prayer of a mother. She desired her son to marry, have children and grandchildren and be blessed. Her prayers were answered. And God made me strong enough.

Before I left, my oldest daughter shared with me that this visit was the best she has ever had with me. She enjoyed working with me on her cement pond. She never thought that her parents would ever be in a vehicle together, nor work together with their children. The visit was more than what she had ever prayed for.

amtolle

Overturn of Roe vs Wade

There has been numerous articles and blogs written about the rights of women being restricted due to the overturn of Roe vs Wade. I am not writing state my political ideas, or say you are wrong or right in your thoughts and decisions. I want to share a different perspective.

Our ideas and opinions are shaped by our prospective, life experiences, and spiritual beliefs. Take a moment to stand in the shoes of someone who may have a different view of the situation than you.

I understand that women will not have the legal right to terminate a pregnancy. I also feel that other rights will be in jeopardy with the overturn of Roe vs Wade, such as mask mandates and vaccination mandates. Texas used Roe vs Wade to protect the rights of Texas residents to make a choice in wearing a mask and receiving the Covid-19 vaccination. The medical rights of women are not the only medical rights at risk, the medical rights of men, the elderly, and Native Americans are at risk as well.

But the perspective of abortion being legal or not being legal. I personally am glad that abortion is not legal. Now before you turn me “off”. Please take a moment to see my perspective.

Roe vs Wade was decided to be constitutional protection for the right of a mother to decide on abortion, a medical procedure, her body-her choice in January 1973.

Contraception was not legal until the late 1950’s at the state level. When contraception was legalized in states, it was only for married couples. Single women and men could not get contraception to prevent pregnancy. The birth control pill was approved for use by the FDA in 1960, but states outlawed the advertisement and use of birth control pills. In 1965 the Supreme Court ruled that restricting the use of the birth control pill was against the rights of medical privacy of married couples. Available for married couples but not for single women. It would be in 1972 when the birth control pill would be available for all women, married or single, in every state.

I was born in 1963. Some contraceptives are available for married couples only. The birth control pill is prescribed for menstrual cramping to by pass state laws. Abortion is illegal. I am born, I put in a Catholic orphanage, until I am adopted in 1965. To a couple who could not have children.

With Roe vs Wade, abortion was legalized nationwide in 1973. Ten years after my birth.

If abortion was legal in 1963, I would not be alive. My four children would not exist. I would not be married to my husband. My grandchildren would not be alive. I would not have touched and encouraged young people to keep going, to finish school and strive forward.

There would be a void.

Today, there is birth control available to anyone who wants it. If they can not afford birth control, planned parenthood will give it to them. I have used planned parenthood to get birth control pills free in the my past. There are ways to prevent pregnancy available to women now, that my biological mother did not have access to.

I think abortions done today are due to lack of planning, not lack of access to contraceptives. If you happen to have done an abortion, I do not dislike you or judge you. I was not in your shoes, living your life when you made the decision.

I like being alive. I also believe that life comes from God, our Creator. I believe a baby is a baby at conception, because God gave it life.

I do not say what you think or believe is wrong because your belief and thoughts are not like mine. I do not judge you as that is not my “job”. But realize some have different thoughts and opinions due to their life experiences.

I wanted to express a different perspective and the reasoning.

The one thing I hope people do not do is turn on each other for having a different opinion. The division and hatred is not good for either of us. There is too much hate in the world today.

Thankful to be alive.

amtolle

Summer Is Here

Summertime is here! The smell of Bar BQ’s being used, gatherings for evening backyard dinners or pool parties. The sun is in the sky longer.

The children are out for summer break, meaning they are busy playing softball, fishing, helping parents with outside yard work, attending sports camps and practices and visiting relatives.

People are enjoying the outdoors and going places.

Summertime also brings higher temperatures and sunshine.

Summer where I live brings daily temperatures into the high 90’s and 100’s. I still have work that has to be done regardless of the outside temperatures. One chore that has to be done everyday, twice a day is feeding and watering the animals. I feed in the early morning just as the sun is up, and I can see what I am doing before the temperatures reach the highs. Why do I feed so early, to prevent heat stress on myself and my animals.

One major chore is making sure every animal has plenty of water. In the hot summer temperatures it is important that I drink plenty of water to prevent heat stress. Likewise, animals can heat stress and die from heat exhaust just like people. Water and shade are the tools needed to prevent heat stress on hot days.

Heat stress if the first stage of becoming overheated in the summer. Signs of heat stress is headache, dizziness, lightheadedness, sweating a lot, rapid breathing and rapid heart rate.

Signs of heat exhaust include the symptoms of heat stress with nausea and vomiting, muscle cramps and passing out or fainting. Heat stroke is much worse as the person’s body temperature is at or above 103 degrees fahrenheit, they are confused or unconscious. Medical treatment is needed for those with heat exhaust and heat stroke. This information is according to the CDC in the United States.

Heat stress does require care in getting those affected cooled down, but can be done by those around them. Heat exhaust and heat stroke require medical attention.

Elderly, children, pregnant women and those with certain illness are more prone to heat stress.

I still have to do the work outside every day, fix fences, repair or build structures. I start my work in the early mornings. When the temperatures rise I work for short periods of time, 10 to 15 minutes outside. I constantly watch for signs of heat stress. I drink lots of water. My dad had a saying, “Water out, put water in.” Meaning when you are sweating, you need to be drinking water.

In the summertime, I do not get as much outside work done as I do during the fall and spring. I do plan my days to do work inside, painting and maintenance on the inside of the house.

Summertime brings the fun and vacations. Just be aware of the temperatures and stay cool. Be watchful of those around you and yourself for the signs of heat stress.

I hope everyone is having a fun summer. Stay cool and safe.

amtolle

“The Mommy Switch”

Photo by Jacek Jan Skorupski on Pexels.com

I am a happy and proud mother of four children. One of the happiest moments in my life was when I became a mother. Upon becoming a mother, a switch turned on, the “mommy switch”. Life became centered around providing for, teaching, and protecting my children.

Time marches on, they grow up and become their own person. Each child starts their own lives, finding spouses and having their own children. In the process of each child growing up, and establishing their independence, I have learned to control my instincts and impulses as a mother to tell my children what they need to do, choices they should make and direct their lives. I want to protect them from making the mistakes I made, feeling the pain of those mistakes. As a mother, I still desire for my children to be happy with no pain or disappointments. My words at times is considered “unwanted advice”.

This “unwanted advice” or meddling can cause problems in the relationship with my children and their spouses. But I have not learned how to turn off the “mommy switch”. I keep my words to myself, but how do I deal with the desire to speak? I voice my concerns in prayer.

When things happen in my children’s lives, things I can not speak to them about, I pray. I take the energy of concern and put the words I desire to speak and focus them in prayer for my children.

My children are now parents. They have experience with the “parent switch”. They are starting to feel the desire to speak to their teenage children about concerns, yet also realize they have to make some decisions on their own as they are becoming adults. My children are learning the challenges of the “parent switch”.

My children learning the “parent switch”, they now understand my difficulties of when I said something they considered meddling at the time, to be the voice of a concerned loving parent.

Recently I was asked by one of my children of how to speak to their teenager about a situation. My grandchild thinks they have been bullied at school. When all the facts were brought forth, they and another student was competing and verbally “fighting” to be best friends with one student. We had a discussion on defining bullying. Then the discussion turned to what makes a friend. A person who chooses to be friends with one person at a time, does not know what friends truly are. There was no reason both of you could not be friends with the student at the same time.

Granny talking to the teenager, although it was the same words used by their mother, had a different effect. A useful verbal communication because of the “mommy switch”.

Living with the “mommy switch” is not easy. Being a parent is not easy. Being a grandparent is a little easier than being a parent, but still has challenges. The “mommy switch” is an important part of our make up in becoming a mother, carries over in being a grandmother. Learning to control the tongue with the “mommy switch” is the challenge.

Still, I love being a mother. I thoroughly enjoy being a Granny. And I look forward, although I hope not too soon to the adventures of being a great-grandmother.

amtolle

Contact Numbers

Before cell phones, I could remember and recall all my friends and family’s phone numbers. Today, I am barely able to remember my own cell phone number. My husband has the same problem. We do not remember people’s phone numbers.

The reason for this forgetfulness… we do not use their numbers to contact them. Used to we had to dial or punch the buttons to make a phone call. Today, we look up a name and press a button. We no longer repeat the number when we wish to call someone. Lack of using the numbers.

Yet, I can remember several passwords for facebook, email, wordpress and other online accounts that I have.

Usage is what builds our memory of numbers, letters and sequences, grammar and vocabulary.

Any learning we have gained has been from usage of the information. I notice I can not speak Spanish or Navajo as I used to. I still comprehend what is being said, but I have trouble formulating the sentences for conversation.

“If you do not use it, you will lose it.” was a common saying from my teachers while in school.

amtolle

Prepping for a Visit

My oldest daughter and the grandchildren are coming for a visit in July. There was a baby shower scheduled for my daughter who is pregnant with triplets. The baby shower was cancelled due to my pregnant daughter going to be in the hospital at that time, and stay until the triplets are born.

My oldest daughter is coming for a visit. She will stay with me and we will visit the pregnant mother. The grandchildren will stay at our house and be watched by my husband.

Since she and her children have not been here before, I am overly excited. I want everything to be perfect. But in truth, I will not accomplish perfect, but things will be nice.

One request from my daughter is to teach her daughters how to ride a horse. They have ridden horses used for dude rides, but never a finished horse. A finished horse does maneuvers simply by turning your head in the direction you want to go. When watching an experienced rider and a finished horse perform, it looks like the horse reads the rider’s mind. They move as one, and perform some wonderful maneuvers. I have trained one of my horses to be very light and finished. This horse is also a very good children’s mount and teacher. What some call in the horse world, a “horse master”.

When I was training horses and teaching riding lessons, my children were learning beside me. They became very good riders, and those who wanted to train, learned the skills to train a horse to be a partner, not a servant. I hoped that my children would pass the skills on to their children, but none of them have horses or desire to be horse trainers.

I will be able to share with my granddaughters the love of the horse and how to ride as a partner, one with the horse in body and mind.

I am cleaning the tack, riding one horse whos training is not complete, hoping to have her training to where the young girls can ride her. Busy getting the spare bedrooms ready. I will have to set up a crib for the two year old, as he still sleeps in a crib. Meal planning and activity plans.

The activity plans are for my husband for when he has the three grandchildren, while my daughter and I are at the hospital visiting. My husband does not think of games or activities for inside very much. He is an outdoors type person, playing catch, going fishing, or just messing around. Since it is going to be hot during the midday, he needs options ready for him.

Besides horseback riding we will go fishing. The grandchildren have heard from their cousin and seen pictures of big catfish to catch. They want to try to meet or beat his record. The tack needs to be resupplied from the visit with my grandson.

Since it is hot during summertime days, there will be games to be played inside where it is cool. Hopefully, I can get our famous swimming pool ready….the six foot across horse trough.

The sheep will start having lambs a week before they arrive. A busy time for me. All my regular work, lambing and preparing for a week long visit.

The grandchildren are excited, horses, sheep and lambs, puppies and dogs, fishing and who knows what else they think they might do here. I want to be ready to meet those young and ambitious expectations.

amtolle

A Gift of Love

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Last week I took my grandson home bring an end to his summer visit with Granny. He lives close to my oldest daughter and her family. We usually stop over there for a night before continuing to his mother’s home. After I drop him home, I spend a day or two with my oldest daughter and her family.

We moved away from the Colorado, yet the majority of our family lives there. Anytime we have the opportunity to stay a day or two longer we take advantage. The grandchildren grow up so fast, and I get to see them twice a year.

This year while taking some time with my daughter and her three children, her husband started work on a pond in the garden area of the yard. They had a pond that was a hole in the ground with a liner. The liner does not last long due to one of the family dogs is very large and loves to lay in the pond to cool off in the summer. The past few months he has built a fence around the garden area. Next on his list was to line the pond with cement instead of a plastic liner.

He has not done cement. He has worked construction, framing houses, but only viewed cement work being done. After watching some youtube videos, he decided to try and build a cement lined pond. He is an awesome husband and father, he is a very good man. He is not prideful. If he does not know how to do something, and knows someone who does, he is happy to turn the work over to a more knowledgeable person.

He started the cement project, I offered help if he needed it. It was not long, before he mentioned he was not sure what to do, the cement was not working the way he thought it should. I stepped in.

I have not done a lot of cement work, but I have watched and learned from some really good cement workers. I have made lawn ornaments and laid blocks to form walls, so I do know some information on how to work with this fickle medium.

It was not long before my daughter joined me in working the cement mix up along the sides of the pond. After three hours of patiently working the cement mix, she had a rough looking cement pond that was not complete. We had ran out of cement and the store was closed.

The next day was busy with us taking my grandson home, and visiting a new baby girl in the family.

Sometimes to do a project correctly, takes longer than planned. We worked Monday to finish forming a cement pond. Some of the cement was smooth, but there was some areas that were really rough. I said I could cover the entire pond with mortar, a mixture of cement and sand, and it would look smooth. We bought supplies that afternoon.

The next day, my daughter had to work. I watched the kids and put mortar on the cement pond. My oldest granddaughter assisted with the pond work, the younger granddaughter watched their little brother and brought us cold water to drink.

With patience and consistent work, we finished the pond. My oldest granddaughter asked why I was doing this work.

“Granny your back and hands hurt alot, why not stop? “she asked.

My hands hurt as the gloves I had did not provide proper protection while molding mortar to the sides of the cement mix pond. I had some scrapes and the lime irritated the skin. My back hurt from the constant bending over working. Yet, this pond was a labor of love for my daughter.

We had a good time working together the one day building the cement mix walls of the pond. The last time we worked together on a project she was twelve, before I divorced her dad. We had such a good time, me teaching, her learning and working side by side. I wanted so much to finish this project she desired in her yard.

Finally the pond was complete, with initials and date. Which I wrote upside down.

Now she will seal the pond and add water, rocks to form her fountain and last koi fish.

It is not often I get the opportunity to make or do something of love for my oldest daughter. The distant we live apart does not allow for a lot of visit times. I stayed a day longer than planned to finish this project of love.

Now, when she looks at her pond, she sees a physical sign that her mother loves her and remembers the fun weekend we had sharing and learning from each other.

amtolle

Grandson Summer 2022

My grandson, J. , has been with me for three weeks. We look forward to the summer weeks we spend together. The time is precious to me when he visits, so I focus on him and making precious memories. This year there were some milestones reached, and my “little boy” is growing up. A sobering undertone realized by both of us on this summer visit.

When he was barely two, he came to live with me for 18 months, part of the time his father lived with us. The start of summer time visits began. Each summer he has come to visit for three weeks to a month. Our visit begins with a long drive, I live in Texas, he lives in Colorado, 15 hours one way. Traveling is not a bad way to start the summer visit, we talk during the drive, catching up on the happenings of the year and making plans for what we are going to do during the short time he is with me. During these visits there are two things we always make sure we do, ride his horse and fish.

The horse he rides is the horse I gave him when he was two years old. My mare I competed in Reined Cow Horse events. She is an awesome children’s mount. This year she turned 16 years old. I purchased him a saddle he has ridden in all these years. When he mounted this year, the stirrups had to be lengthened once more, to the last hole, the longest they will go down. Lengthening the stirrups to the last hole was a visual sign he was growing up, his last summer in the children’s saddle. Next year he will have to ride in my saddle, an adult saddle.

Fishing, my little man loves to fish. His journey began when he was two and would reel in the perch I or Grandpaw hooked. He graduated to an adult pole when he was seven. That year he caught his first big catfish, a 28 inch channel catfish. When he finally got it to the bank, his arms hurt. The fish was longer than half his height. This summer he caught two nice catfish, a channel catfish that was 20 1/2 inches long, and a blue catfish measuring 20 inches long. We use a tape measure to measure the fish, not going to have any “fishing tales”. He has out fished me the past five or six years.

**Our fishing hole for the big catfish.**

This year, I and Grandpaw have decided to move closer to my daughter, his aunt. That means it will be a two hour drive to our lake, instead of five minutes. He has learned to fish at this lake, and it is where he has caught his largest fish to date. He mentioned we would need to travel back to our lake, at least once every summer. The lake is open to everyone, but there are very few people, if any when we go fishing. We are alone, the two of us, with the lake and wildlife, as if it is our own personal lake.

The lake is a nice place to enjoy our surrounding and to talk. This year we talked about him turning thirteen. He is getting older and will soon want to do something different than visit Granny. He will have a job, a girlfriend, and other things. I let him know when the time comes he does not have time to visit in the summer, it is ok. As a young boy becomes a young man, things change, change is not bad. Living is about change, we learn to do new things and remember the past things we did.

Every summer there is work to do as well as play. He helps with the chores. This year he did the chores on his own. Caring for the animals brings him joy. We also sanded a dresser for my daughter who is having triplets. In the past he has helped me build sheds, paint fence, build dog houses, plant fruit trees and bushes, and care for the garden. This year we worked on refinishing an old dresser.

We also did something he has an interest in, baking and decorating cakes. We watched shows on decorating cakes. He baked a cake for his cousin’s birthday and learned to decorate the cake. His cousin loves strawberries. The cake was a simple white cake made from scratch, not a box. The frosting was cream cheese frosting. The layers were seperated with a strawberry reduction. The pokemon, decoration is fondant. We had fun working on the cake together, sharing ideas and learning.

I have had to learn to share my grandson. This year my daughter, her husband and daughter took him to the ocean for a weekend. He loves the water and enjoyed the visit to the ocean. They also played miniature golf and games at an arcade, while my daughter sat in a room.

Then it was time for the trip home, another 15 hours in the truck traveling home. We make a stop at my other daughter’s family’s home to sleep before going on to his home. This year, his baby sister was born when we arrived at my daughter’s home. So for the last leg of the trip home, his aunt and his other grandpa (my ex-husband) were with us. We dropped him off with his mom. He later met his dad and us, at the hospital to see his baby sister.

We have traveled through good times and bad times, challenges and disappointments in life. The one person he can talk to without any reserves or fears, is Granny. These visits help him to recenter and refresh to handle the challenges that arrive in the year. This year, I realized he has learned the tools to handle any challenge that may come his way.

My “little boy” is growing up, and soon he will be a man. The time of calling my grandson, “my little boy” is coming to a close. He will always remain my close buddy and fishing partner. We have many memories to share.

amtolle

Words

My children have become good people. They have good jobs, excellent work ethic, not been in jail. Each child moved out of the house when they graduated from high school. People have asked me how I managed to get my children to leave home, keep a job and pay their own bills. My answer for many years was “I do not know, I guess a lot of prayer.”

I prayed daily for my children, and still do. I also pray for my grandchildren.

My mother did not want to adopt me, and did not accept me until her very late years. I remember as a child, my mother did not say words of acceptance to me. I felt I was not accepted and therefore not loved. And truth is when I was a child I was not I was determined I would not be the type of mother my adopted mother was to me. I would encourage and let my children know they were accepted, loved and I was there to help them be the person they were to be.

Watching my children raise their children I seen a pattern of speaking to the children. I am reminded of phrases I used with my own children, being spoken by my children now adults to their children.

Simple words, words spoken of encouragement and acceptance.

A few of the phrases are:

Good Job.

Great work.

I like that.

Keep going, almost there.

You got it.

Looking good.

I like that _____.

You are getting better at that everyday.

Thank you for helping.

There are words for when they are too small to help or do what I am doing:

Thank you for wanting to help, but at this time you are too small or it is too dangerous for you to help, but you can watch and learn.

Our words affect how a person sees and understands themselves. Children are not the only ones who need encouraging words, adults also need encouragement.

amtolle