Uncategorized – Page 7 – Me, Myself and I

Resolutions Progress

November 1 – the arrival of November and the realization that the year of 2022 is almost in the history of my life story. At the end of each year I look at my life, I make New Year Resolutions for somethings I want to change in my life. Looking back this year has been very busy, extremely exciting, and not many of my resolutions were completed.

In years past I would be a little down on myself for not having accomplished ALL of my resolutions by November. Yet, I still have two months left to get things changed.

One of my resolutions for 2022 was to keep the records and bookkeeping for the sheep farm and our personal life up to date, not get behind a couple of months or half the year then have to catch up in time to file taxes. This year, I have not kept them up every month the whole year, but I have improved. I had two months I was not even home. I did not do the records for each month the whole year, there has been improvement compared to past performance.

Another resolution was to raise more of our food. Yet again I did not reach my expectations, but there was a big improvement from past years. For the first time, my husband has agreed this is something we both need to work at doing. When I was gone for two months, he had to water the garden area. He is enjoying the fruits of his labor, as he eats his evening meal.

I have one resolution I made, that I have almost completed to expectations. This builds my self-esteem and I feel good about the accomplishment of this resolution.

We all want to make changes in our lives. Sometimes changes are forced upon us, such as inflation. I am always striving to lower our expenses and increase our savings. Some years I feel like I have not accomplished this goal. Yet, looking through past years, I have greatly improved over the years.

Making changes is hard. Keeping those changes sometimes is even harder. When we decide to change something, we have already done the hardest part – decided to change. We work towards our goals in steps, be grateful and celebrate the steps you have accomplished, and do not be too hard on yourself for the steps yet to be reached. Keep going, do not give up, that is the only way to reach the goal, accomplish the change in your life you have wanted.

I feel good about the accomplishments and improvements I have made this year.

Do not give up. Keep going. The goal is in sight.

amtolle

Holidays are approaching

For me, the beginning of October is the beginning of the holidays seasons. A fun exciting time to celebrate the memory of those gone, the blessing of the year and celebration of life and the future. A wonderful and exciting time of the year.

First holiday is the Halloween. The oldest origins was a celebration of the harvest brought in, the end of summer and Celtic New Year in what was known as Samhain pronounced “sah-win”. Although Halloween has changed through the centuries, shaped by different beliefs and customs, the part of warding off evil spirits and dressing up are traced to these original beginnings. The Roman Catholic church celebrate All Hallows Eve on October 31, All Saints’ Day on November 1 and All Souls’ Day on November 2. The remembrance of those who have died before us.

I celebrate the harvest and remembering. I carve a few pumpkins, but the majority are left whole, so they will continue to be used through Thanksgiving. It is time to clean up the spring and summer plants, getting ready for the fall garden and winter months. Letting some of the ground rest in preparations of spring planting next year. Halloween, my husband and I celebrate alone with binge watching of Harry Potter movies. Popcorn, cheese and crackers to keep us going, with the occasional glass of wine. Since we live in a rural area, we do not get trick-o-treaters, but I always have some candy just in case. Maybe year 13 will be the year we have visitors for candy.

Then we have Thanksgiving in November. A celebration with family and friends for the many blessings we have received during the year. While most of the family has summer vacations and each seems to go their separate ways. Thanksgiving is where we come together, catch up on the year’s activities and enjoy each others company. This year, my husband’s daughter and her children will be celebrating with us. Supposedly her boyfriend will join them and we will have the opportunity to get to know him as well. I hope he likes lamb and goat for Thanksgiving, and is not upset I did not fix the traditional turkey.

After Thanksgiving, I start removing the fall decorations and replacing them with Christmas decorations. I am not a big fan of “Black Friday” shopping, as I try to have my Christmas done before Thanksgiving. I will have every room decorated with the joys of Christmas and celebration of the birth of Jesus. This year, we will be celebrating Christmas alone. There will be a visit to deliver gifts and share a meal with my daughter, her family and the triplets. But the triplets will be babies, and a lot of work for a two hour trip to Granny’s house.

After these holidays, we face a new year and our anniversary. New Year for new hope and beginnings.

amtolle

Hello “Old Friend”

This chilly morning as I drank my coffee and observed my little “happy spot” from my window, I seen an “old friend”, The Flicker. I have named this bird The Flicker, but the bird is a Yellow Bellied Sappsucker. I keep the name “The Flicker” as I identify this individual bird each fall. The only time of year I see The Flicker is in the fall and winter seasons. The Flicker hopes from tree to tree eating the bugs. The Flicker is a solitary bird, I only see one. I do not know where The Flicker goes to spend the spring and summer, raise a family. When the temperatures drop, the sun position moves in the sky, The Flicker returns to spend time with me.

The birds change with the seasons. The hummingbirds are gone, along with the other spring and summer birds. The Flicker has arrived and soon the blue jays and small winter birds. The leaves on a few of my trees are turning yellow and brown and will soon fall to the ground. The two live oak trees in the front yard never change in color, they keep their leaves from spring until next spring. The shed their leaves when they bloom and new leaves start growing in the spring. Acorns are what the live oak trees shed in the fall, and my yard is being dotted.

Seasons change, time to start new things and remember the joys of the past season. Memories are made each season, a treasure more precious than gold. The seasons change as time marches on.

Our lives go through seasons as well. I am no longer a youthful lady looking to the future trying to decide how I will spend my life. I have seen many seasons. The season of being a mother with children underfoot is gone, in its place is photos, memories and funny stories my children and I share. Yet, I was able to reclaim the season when I helped my daughter care for my grandsons. A short time of remembering feedings and diaper changes and the wonder of looking at a newborn. Yet, this season of welcoming a new grandchild is coming to an end.

Although some seasons end, new seasons are approaching. In the future there will be the season of graduations, weddings of grandchildren and welcoming great-grandchildren into the family. There are seasons and memories to be made that I am unaware of, some will bring sadness, other will bring joy, each season in its’ own time and purpose. Like fall will give way to winter, and winter will bring the spring and new growth, life seasons help us to rest, get rid of the old dead things in our lives in preparation for new growth and joy of life.

amtolle

A Day on the Tractor

Yesterday I spent the time on the tractor after doing chores. I was mowing the weeds in the pasture. I try to mow the weeds that the sheep do not eat down before they bloom and make seeds. I am late this year, but the work still gets done.

Why do I mow the weeds down instead of using an herbicide to just kill the weeds? I am trying to raise my sheep as organically as possible. The herbicides may kill the weeds, but the chemicals are on the grass and in the ground. These chemicals get into the animals and into the meat. I do not want that.

The progress of eliminating the weeds with mowing is slower, as the weeds have to reach a height to be mowed before they form seeds. But the mulch from the dead weeds helps to build the topsoil and fertilize as they decompose.

The tractor is noisey, I do wear ear protection. You get in the tractor, turn the tractor on, and then the mower and start mowing the weeds. Making straight lines back and forth. Not much thought and you can not hear anything other than the muted sound of the tractors engine. As you methodically mow, you see your progress one strip at a time.

I check the growth of the grass and how much is grass vs weeds, what type of grass is growing. In short the health of the pasture. Over the past seven years, the pasture has improved. Slowly and surely the grass is taking over and the weeds are fewer.

One reason for the increase in grass and fewer weeds is the sheep. The sheep love to eat most weeds, not all weeds. They eat the weeds as they begin to come up, not allowing them to bloom or make seeds. Insuring that fewer weeds will sprout and grow the next spring.

Sheep fertilize as they walk. These small marble shaped manure pellets do not block the sun and decompose releasing needed nutrients back into the soil. There are no large round splatter of manure that blocks the sun and over fertilizes the soil in one small area such as the manure dropped by cattle. Or piles of manure from horses always depositing their manure in one small area. Sheep walk, eat and fertilize as they go.

Mowing the weeds, allows for more moisture and sunlight for the grass. Weeds grow taller faster than the grass, blocking the sunlight needed for photosynthesizing. Weeds need water to grow. Mowing the weeds allows more water for the grass. Eventually, the graze will dominate and the weeds will be few if any.

I go back and forth mowing the weeds, looking at the pasture grasses, and thinking. A person can do a lot of thinking driving a tractor back and forth. There is no thought of where to go, just follow the line created with the first line created when you enter the pasture. Actually the only thinking is when you make the first cut through the pasture, straight is important. Then you just follow the first cut until there is no more to cut.

Driving the tractor is very different than driving a vehicle on the road. There is no other vehicles around to focus on. If I get off the path a little, it is not a wreck. My only focus is keeping the tractor in a fairly straight line, and to not run over and mow down the two yucca plants in the pasture. I want to save the yucca plants to put in the yard. Even if I do miss and mow them down, it will not kill them, only make them smaller.

I think about the sheep, the pasture, life. What changes I need to make and how to make them. Yesterday, I was contemplating changes I need to make for my personal well being. Learning what is important in my life at this stage and where I want to be in the future years. Mowing the pasture is relaxation, a time I can let my mind rest and smell the mowed weeds, look at the trees and enjoy the day.

amtolle

“Ouch, that hurts”

I do not shop for others, but the cost of groceries has doubled this year. We eat the same food each month. I fix different things for dinner, but my husband takes the same fruit and vegetables for lunch each day. We do not eat steaks or expensive cuts of meat, except the lamb we raise ourselves. Yet, when I look at our expenses, grocery expense has doubled.

Our income is for the most part fixed income, the same amount each paycheck. The increase in groceries and electricity affect the amount of money we can save to use for those expenses such as new tires for the vehicle. How can I make my dollar stretch more?

I am more diligent about turning off the lights, and we have changed the settings on thermostat. I am working on training the husband to turn off more lights and to live with or without more clothing depending on the temperatures. I have put in weatherstriping. We changed out the windows a few years ago to be more energy efficient.

Traveling is limited. I am home now from staying with my daughter and her family assisting with the triplets. I only go to town twice a month to get groceries. I go to the sheep sales twice a month.

Where can I lower an expense?

I am sure there are others going through the same thought process as inflation continues to rise. I know I am not alone in cutting out what was once common. We used to go out to eat once a week. We stopped eating out during Covid, then when things changed to make it easier to eat out the cost was double. We no longer eat out as the budget does not allow the extra expenditure.

This is not the first time I have gone through the process of looking for ways to lower expenses and save money. I am sure there are others who have survived recessions and inflation as I have.

Only I get tired of always having to find ways to pinch a penny or increase income. When it comes time to pay bills or spend money, I think I hear some of those pennies “screaming in pain” as I pinch them so hard.

One idea is to grow more of my own food. I have a fall garden to plant, and there are some summer plants I can bring into the house for winter harvests.

Next spring I am going to get chickens again. Chickens to provide eggs, pest control as they are great about eating bugs around the place, and meat. This is the first summer we have not had chickens due to the last chickens getting old and dying. The crickets around the house and barn were terrible. Next year, when the weather turns warm, I am getting chickens once more.

We may have to wear our clothes a little longer. We will not be purchasing a different vehicle anytime soon. My husband may have to get accustomed to a bowl of beans often. I think for awhile, some of us are going to have to tighten the belt and wisely negotiate this season in order to make it through without debt. That is my plan.

amtolle

“Rub My Back, Please”

Since the end of August I have been at my daughter’s home caring for my granddaughter, then when the babies came home, helping with the babies. While at my daughter’s I slept on the bottom bunk with my granddaughter. She enjoys sleeping with Granny, and Granny rubbing her back until she goes to sleep.

Change is hard for all of us, but especially for those who are little children. When I went to stay at my daughter’s home, my daughter had been admitted into the hospital. The first time my granddaughter had been without her parents. It was a strange time for her, unsettling and insecure. I would lay down with her at night, rub her back and she would go to sleep, in the comfort that Granny was there with her. This soon became a routine.

When the babies came home, I continued with the routine of sleeping with my granddaughter, as well as getting up to help feed babies. Feeding goes much faster if three people are feeding three babies, than if there are two people feeding three babies.

My oldest daughter came down to visit and help with the babies. When I was leaving, my granddaughter made a statement that her aunt could sleep with her and rub her back. Her mom quickly told her that Granny was the only one going to rub her back. It is something that Granny does, not everyone else.

I was told I had spoiled my granddaughter, not a bad thing. She had learned to go to sleep on her own, and that she was of the age she can do so. I am allowed to spoil her, as being a Granny allows for those spoiling moments. Me rubbing her back was a special thing that she shares with Granny and no one else.

Change at times is hard. For my granddaughter being the only child for five years and wanting a sibling, she was eager for the addition. When the three little brothers arrived, small and frail compared to her imagine of siblings she could teach to slide and swing, change was hard. She is not allowed to hold them yet. They are not able to slide or swing. Her words, “They just sleep and eat, they do not go anywhere.” She is happy to have siblings, but misses the attention she once received.

Granny sleeping with her and rubbing her back for comfort and security when mom and dad were in the hospital, transferred to attention and feeling special once the siblings arrived.

The babies are doing well, growing and soon she will be able to interact with them more. In a year or two they will be best friends and constant companions. But now, change is hard being on the sidelines only able to observe and not really participate. Her parents are great, and do help her during this time.

There will always be that special memory of Granny helping, and rubbing her back. Will rubbing her back go away, absolutely not. That is a special bond between Granny and granddaughter that will remain.

amtolle

Home Sweet Home

The past month I have been at my daughter’s home helping with my granddaughter while she was in the hospital and afterwards when the triplets came home. The visit was insightful as I learned their routines and way of doing things. I also learned more of their family values, which were good. The visit was good, but I missed home and being with my husband.

Once we learned there were triplets coming into the family, my husband and I made plans and prepared for the time when I would be at my daughter’s helping out. There would have to be the occasional day trip home to sell sheep and to pay the bills. We both knew there would be sacrifice in order to help my daughter and her family.

Sacrifice of him coming home to a cooked meal. Although I had cooked meals like pot roast for him when I was home, it was not our regular routine. The sacrifice of not sleeping in the same bed. I am very used to sleeping with my husband similar to cuddling up with a favorite toy as a child. He, likewise missed his wife.

The livestock and dogs missed me as well, and I missed them. The smells of the farm and noises are very different than those in town. I had to get used to the siren of an ambulance, as my daughter lives near the hospital. The sound of vehicles going down the streets during all hours of the day and night. The neighbors’ dogs barking at squirrels or cats. Different smells in the air.

A very big part of my routine I missed was sitting in my office in the morning with a cup of coffee, thinking and praying about the day while I watch the birds in the tree and my little garden. The quiet and time for thought on what I am going to do for the day was greatly missed.

I enjoyed spending time with my granddaughter. I would get her up and ready for school. On weekends I would prepare her meals. In the evening we would sit and watch television, then get ready for bed. She is a great cuddler. This time offered a great opportunity for her to get to know her Granny, and Granny to get to know her better. She also brought back memories of when my daughter was a child, her expressions and ways of doing things. At times I laughed at the memory, and my granddaughter thought I was laughing at her. I would tell her I was laughing at her mother, although her mother was not there.

A precious time spent with my granddaughter, daughter, son-in-law and babies. But, it still was not home. It did not smell like home, or sound like home. I missed the routines of feeding and talking with the animals each day. When I made my one day visits, first thing I would do is go check the sheep and horses. My husband thought I did this as I was not trusting him to do the job correctly, truth is I missed my animals, their smells and sounds.

Now that I am home for at least a few weeks, it is time to get some of the tasks done that my husband did not have the time to do. I need to clean up the yard so I can put out the few fall decorations I have. Do the dusting and mopping in the house. There are tasks that need to be done with the sheep such as trimming feet and deworming. I will also be working with a couple of horses to get them ready to sell, and a couple of dogs. I need to clean up the spring garden and get the fall garden planted. Work does not stop at the farm because I am gone for five weeks.

A lot of work to catch up on – but I am at my home sweet home.

amtolle

Money Up, Money Down

This past year I have been trying to educate myself concerning economics and money. I would like to have more money for sure, but I also know the economy determines prices of things we purchase and sell. I want to understand how this economy works.

It would be easier to gain understanding by attending a few college classes, but I do not have the money to spend on college classes. So, I have been ready articles, the news and a few books to try to gain an understanding. With an understanding, I am hoping to be able to make more profit from what I do sell.

Today I was reading an article on inflation to learn what the inflation rate for the United States is for the month of September – 8.3%. Meaning that the prices for items in five categories has an average percentage gain of 8.3% higher than in August. While the prices stayed close to the same for groceries, the other categories rose. The continued rise in costs for what Americans purchase is inflation. How does inflation get stopped, the federal government raises the interest rates on loans made to banks and others. People supposedly slow down in their purchases, allowing the demand to drop, and eventually the price of items drop as there becomes a surplus.

But what happens if inflation continues to rise, and the interest rates continue to rise, people stop purchasing or greatly reduce what they purchase. If stores are not selling items, the store begin to lay people off. If companies have a surplus of product, they slow production and lay people off. Now the scenario is perfect for a recession.

In my occupation of being a sheep farmer, I believe the farmers feel a recession before anyone else. Most people consider livestock a luxury and convenience, something that they own until it is a hardship then they sell the livestock. I raise sheep for market, producing lamb meat for those who eat lamb, as an occupation. Raising sheep is my job, what I do to make money to provide income for my husband and myself.

I understand the cost to purchase a pound of meat is very high. I have seen and paid the higher prices the past few months. My grocery expense has doubled, and the amount of food purchased declined. In years past, I learned how to take a pound of meat and use it for three meals to feed my four children, spouse and myself. I know there are others who also have this ability, we learn through hardship. People making meals with less meat affects the amount of market animals needed to supply the people with meat.

I took some registered sheep for breeding stock to a special auction today. The prices on all the sheep and goats for breeding were very low. No one was really buying. A lot of the sheep and goats went to a slaughter buyer, not to someone wanting to raise market animals. I PO or purchased out two of my three animals, meaning I did not sell them. The prices were so low, it was better that I keep them and continue to raise lambs from them, as there would be more profit.

The drought causing lack of grazing, along with the cost of hay for winter feeding, many sheep farmers and hobby sheep farmers are selling all their animals. The current flooding of the market with animals has caused the price for the animals to sharply drop. This will have an effect on the price of meat and perhaps the availability of meat next year.

There will be fewer lambs this next spring, as there are fewer breeding animals to produce the lambs. The price for a market lamb will go back up. Depending on the recession, how bad it becomes and how long it lasts will affect the price of breeding stock. It may be two or three years before I can get a good price for the breeding stock I purchase.

I did not get the price I wanted for the ram I had at the sale. I was on the fence about selling him, as I can use him in the breeding of ewes for lambs. Last February, I paid $1,000 USD for a young ram. Today I could not get $750 USD for the same quality of ram.

Life goes up and down, the skill is staying afloat. I live in a rural area. I am skilled at growing some of my food. I have the ability to preserve the food and to “make it stretch” as grandma used to say. I eat some of the most expensive type of meat a person can purchase, lamb, as I butcher my own. We will stay afloat.

But how do people manage who live in cities and large towns? I know they are able to “make it stretch”, but how do they supplement their food pantry? With my limited understanding of economics, I see clearer how those living in high populations suffer more than those of us living in rural areas during times of recessions.

Regardless of where you live, I hope that all can find the answers to help them stay afloat during these expensive times.

amtolle

When unexpected things happen.

There are days, then there are DAYS. Today I think was one of those DAYS. I have been helping my daughter with her new babies. They are soooo cute. And they are growing fast. I spent last night helping with the feeding, so one parent could sleep. And during the day I help the other parent with feeding, so the other parent can catch a solid four or five hours of sleep.

Today, I had to come home. I have some sheep in a special replacement auction that I need to attend. I will be home for two nights and a day, then return to continue to help my daughter.

Upon arriving home, I carried my bags into the house and started my laundry. Then I started vacuuming as I had tracked dirt into the house. I was going by the laundry room and noticed a large puddle of water at the base of the washing machine. I stopped vacuuming and investigated.

I have an older front load washer. The water was “leaking” from the drawer where you put the detergent and softener. It has not done that before. I washed clothes last weekend without any water on the floor. I opened the drawer for detergent and what to my eyes should appear, dog food. How did dog food get in that place. The bucket is on a high shelf away from the washer. Who could have put it there was the main thought for my husband and myself. There have been no grandchildren present to assist with the cause of this problem. Who or what has put dog food in the place for laundry detergent?

I removed the dispenser drawer, there was even more dog food packed in the small area and down the tube leading to the washer tub. We would have to remove the top of the washer to clean the dog food out of the washer. In order to remove the top of the washer, we had to remove the dryer stacked on top. To remove the dryer, we would have to clear everything out of the laundry room to make space for the dryer on the floor.

Working for several hours to make room, move the dryer, and remove the top off the washer, vacuuming out the washer detergent dispenser and hose leading to the tub, we were finally ready for a test run to see if we had solved the problem of water on the floor. Test run, water running into the washing machine, no water on the floor. Hurray !!

Now to solve how the dog food was placed there to form the blockage….. conclusion…. mice. Yes, the little critter had found away into that part of the washing machine by way of a vent. The vent had a grid cover over it, but the spacing was large enough for a mouse to get through. We blocked the area with some copper wire mesh, or a “chore boy” for those who use copper wire mesh to clean cast iron cooking pans and skillets.

We replaced all the parts in the correct places, put the appliances back in their proper places in the laundry room. And I started my load of laundry once more.

After getting the washer working, I finished vacuuming the house.

My husband always teases me about how I get distracted from doing what I have started, taking hours to finish a simple task. Today, he was able to go on the unplanned journey that started with vacuuming the floor, to having to mop the water up in the laundry room and eventually mopping the laundry room to get all the water up, to repairing the washer and finally finish vacuuming the floor to clean up a mess I had made when I arrived home.

I think about my days and the things I need to get done. I have a plan. I start the plan, the out of nowhere something happens and I end up with a totally different job than what was planned. I no longer get upset or frustrated with how my days happen to go. I keep planning and starting, believing that I will get accomplished what I had planned for the day. Very seldom does my day go as planned.

Today, my husband going through this simple journey, he showed some frustration, as he was wanting to eat the dinner that had finished cooking. I was wanting to get the washer fixed so I would have clean clothes to wear tomorrow and next week.

Regardless of how the day starts and goes, I can only go one step at a time, get one thing done at a time. And hopefully get the jobs done that need to be done in the day. It is not the end of the world if things change. I adapt, handle the crisis and continue to move forward.

I have added mouse bait to the grocery list, and I will deal with the mouse problem before I leave Sunday morning.

amtolle

Oops, I missed National Daughter Day

This past Monday, I got on facebook. I was catching up with family and friends and to post some sheep I am selling. I seen a lot of posts of mothers with their daughters acknowledging National Daughter Day.

I love my daughters. We talk a couple of times a week. I also talk with my daughter-in-laws once a week. Although we live hundreds of miles apart we stay in touch. I hear about how they are doing and how the grandchildren are doing.

Each time I talk to family and friends, I make sure I let them know I appreciate them, I am proud of them, they are important in my life, and mostly to let them know I love them.

I had a really good friend when I was a teenager, she was an adult I went to church with and was friends with her daughter. Mrs. AW said that when she died she did not want any flowers at her funeral. I asked why?

“I want to enjoy the flowers. I want to see the beautiful colors and arrangements. I want to smell the sweet fragrance. If you are going to send flowers to my funeral, give them to me now so I can enjoy them.”

Those words always stuck in my mind. Everytime I see a funeral procession or hear of the death of a friend or family member, and when I attend a funeral, I remember her words, “give them to me now so I can enjoy them”.

Likewise, we do not know when our last day is. I have had some really close calls with death. I do not know if I will talk to those I love the next day, or be gone in a car crash or some other event. Time is precious.

In my opinion, there is no tomorrow to tell someone that you love them. Today, is the time to say “I love you” ,”I am proud of you”, or let them know they are important in your life.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery.

Today is a gift.

That’s why we call it “The Present.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

amtolle