amtolle

The Month of May

To say it has been easy would not be the truth. Raising children is hard work. Raising grandchildren seems even harder. The first difference I noticed is I am tired. I do not seem to have the energy I did when I was younger. I sleep lighter than I did four months ago. I listen for the cry of a small child, a cough, or tiny footprints as a child gets out of bed.
The hard work brings joys on this journey. The learning of a new words. The glimmer of joy and self-esteem in a small child’s eyes the first time they dress themselves for the day. Hugs and kisses at bedtime as they snuggle down to sleep knowing they are safe and loved. There are sounds of laughter and giggling, replacing the sounds of anger and fighting. Kind sounds and words are being spoken in the place of roars, growls and mumbled sounds. Changes made from love and guidance in love and kindness.
The Mr. A, the three-year-old, is toilet trained, meaning no more changing diapers for him. Mr. M, the two-year-old boy is interested in the child toilet seat but is not ready for toilet training yet. I now only have two diapers to change at a time, instead of three. Helping to lessen my workload.
There is still plenty of work to do. Laundry every other day, bathes every day. Busy boys playing outside get dirty every day. They are busy exploring bugs, birds and playing with rocks and dirt. I purchased some outside dump trucks and loaders for them to use in the dirt. They dig holes in the front yard along with the dogs. I do not mind as it is an important part of learning and exploring.
There are times Granny digs in the dirt. Removing thistle plants and cacti from the backyard. They learned that even the cacti pretty yellow blossoms are protected by “stickers” that are removed with tweezers. The reason Granny uses the shovel to put the cacti in the wagon and tells them not to touch.
The regular excitement morning and evening of doing chores. Moving sheep to the pasture or returning them to their pens. Carrying their bucket of grain for the horses and helping to push the wheelbarrow loaded with hay. Then the dogs are let out of their kennels to run and play, the perfect opportunity to run with the dogs. Exciting activities for young minds on the farm.
Granny spends time reading small story books to them as they sit quietly while little sister sleeps. Flash cards to help learn letters, words, numbers and colors. The working of puzzles or simply drawing and coloring in the coolness of the house, away from the heat outdoors.
There is no worry on when to eat. Granny has breakfast, lunch, snacks and supper all ready when the time arrives to eat. A variety of tastes and textures stir their taste buds, some familiar but many are new. Granny prepares a balanced diet for the day to encourage young boys to grow and run and play. In seven weeks, the boys have grown more than an inch each, their checks are round their legs and arms are growing muscle. Granny has purchased new shoes for them both as the ones they wore to her home no longer fit.
Their days are full of activity, so when the sun starts to set and rest for the day, they also are ready for a good night’s rest to be ready for the next days activities and adventures. Granny’s farm is a lot of fun, fun in learning and doing. Granny is ready for a little bit of quiet before retiring to bed for much needed rest in order to keep going the next day.

amtolle

Granny’s Lullaby

Their eyes are locked in love’s eternal gaze,
As they gently sway to the words of phrase.
Her voice is scratchy due to age,
The meaning is an eternal truth.

Simple words, simple tune
Locked in time past now brought to the present.
Many years have past since she sang the tune,
As she gently swayed her little ones to sleep.

Once again, the memories flow of time past,
And of the love that lasts.
The love of mother to child sealed,
with the love of Jesus within a tune.

Now a new little one hears the words of love,
Sung from her heart like in ages past.
The words roll forth and then repeat;

Beautiful, Beautiful.
Jesus is beautiful.
Jesus makes beautiful things of my life.
Carefully touching me
Causing my eyes to see.
Jesus makes beautiful things of my life.

The gently sway of motion in time with words sung,
The baby falls asleep listening to Granny’s lullaby.

amtolle

Progress – First Month

April 10, I went and picked up my three grandchildren: Mr. A. a three year old, Mr. M a two year old, and Ms. L a ten month old infant. All three wear diapers, are very vocal, but not verbal. They were upset, unsure, afraid and angry. They did not know what was happening to their world, and a strange person was taking them to someplace they were not sure they knew.

I was not ready for three small children. The spare room was full of items we were storing while working on remodeling the master bedroom and bath. The morning we arrived to Granny’s Farm, we all slept in my bed, crowded but everyone slept, but Granny. The crib was in the storage shed. The house was not childproofed, there were dangerous things at ground level little hands could reach. No high chair for an infant, or safe play area for her to play while taking care of brothers or cooking a meal.

The two oldest children were angry, especially Mr. M. My son told me that they were having problems with Mr. M being angry all the time. Well, considering the mental state of their mother, and what the children must have been experiencing before she tried to commit suicide with them in the car. I could understand the anger.

Mr. M would get angry, lay on the floor screaming and kicking his feet. Or he might run to a room, close the door and start hitting himself with a toy or biting himself on the arm or hand. How does a person handle such anger? I simply picked him up and hugged him close. Not saying a word, just snuggling with him until his screams stopped and he snuggled down quietly.

Mr. A was the opposite. I would call his name, and he would hide under tables, chairs and behind curtains. He wanted to disappear and not be found.

The baby, Ms. L, seamed to enjoy the time she was with me and family. Her play area was made in the center of the living room, the place where we gathered to talk, play and watch television.

Everyone ate at the dinning room table. Meals times are on a set schedule, with everyone at the table including Ms. L in her highchair. Snack times are the same, everyone goes to the table and we eat together.

There is outdoor time of playing in the yards. One in front, after I removed all the things that could hurt a child. And one in the back after I hired some help, and they put up sheep panels around to prevent them from going to the pens of the horses and sheep and getting hurt. Two safe areas of play to explore outside everyday.

Twice a day they go out for chores. Yes, doing chores takes twice as long as little legs do not make large steps as I do. But they enjoy the animals. Running with the puppies when they are let out each morning for all day. And petting the adult dogs when they are let out each evening. Seeing the sheep and petting the muzzles of the horses. Ms. L goes along to as I purchased a stroller wagon. She is able to sit, strapped in, and be pushed along the way to meet the animals and watch the excitement of puppies, with a short visit from them.

The anger has gone away. Mr. M loves the animals and has learned that even though things are different, and he is told “No”, this is not a bad place to be. His waking screaming in the night has stopped, he sleeps through the night, resting from a busy day.

Mr. A is no longer hiding under the table or behind a curtain, he is on the couch to watch the movie, a constant shadow and helper when it is chore time. Laughing hard as he runs with the puppies. He smiles as he loves on our large male Livestock Guard Dog, Bruno. Bruno and Mr. A see each other eye to eye. Bruno and Mr. A, walk around with Mr. A’s hand on Bruno’s shoulder checking out the yard to make sure it is safe for the sheep before the sheep are turned out to graze.

They have learned not to enter the pens unless an adult is with them. There are places and equipment they can not climb on. Not because we do not want them there, but because they understand we do not want them hurt.

Mealtimes are fun times. Each meal starts with pray. The food was very different from what they were used to as Granny cooks differently than their mom. They understand the rule of one bite of everything is required. And there are always seconds and thirds of the things you like. A few times each week, there is dessert that Granny has made, “Yum Yum” as they say. Learning to say words and laughing at Papaw’s words. We take our time to eat, there is no rush. We eat, talk and laugh.

There is more smiles than sadness or tears. We have learned fighting is not allowed, as Granny takes the toys away and they have to sit in chairs. Instead we learn the words “share” and “take turns” to get along during the day.

No more fighting to not go to bed. The run to the bedroom, sometimes they just walk as they are too tired to run. Granny places their toy, special blanket from home, give hugs and kisses, then tucks them into bed with the words, “I love you, sleep well”. Papaw takes his turn with hugs and kisses and “I love you.” They know in the morning Granny will be there to hug them, kiss them, get them breakfast and have a fun day of laughs and giggles. Learning new things, new words and exploring what is around them.

We are family.

amtolle

Mother’s Day 2023 Musings

Yesterday we went to visit my daughter with the triplets and six year old daughter and husband’s home for a Mother’s Day dinner. There is a lot of planning in taking three small children to a different place for a few hours. Diapers, bottles, baby food, change of clothes as the oldest is working on toilet training. Loading them into the vehicle with three car seats. Stopping half way for the older one who is toilet training to visit the restroom.

After arriving, the boys, Mr. M and Mr. A, were shy and very clinging. I am thinking they were afraid they were going to be left there. Also, seeing three little babies in high chairs being fed their meal, and another child about their age running around, was a shock. The boys acted like typical toddlers going into a strange place. Ms. L, who is eleven months old, was excited to have babies to socialize with. She enjoyed babbling to and spending time on the floor with the triplets who are three months younger.

The adult conversation revolved around children. Diaper sizes – who is wearing what size of diaper. The different thermometers and which works best, diaper rash ointments, lotions, shampoo, and soaps. How the children – Mr. A, Mr. M and Ms. L are adapting. The different methods of discipline, or dealing with anger among small children. Teaching to talk, share and take turns. Age milestones and methods to help the small ones achieve their milestones or catch up. Fun time in the yard climbing up slides or swinging on swings, trying to the older children from accidently hurting the other.

When dinner time arrived, after feeding the four infants, it was what do they eat, how much and food allergies. Mr. M is lactose intolerant. The discussion was not about recipes or how our looking for a place to purchase closer to where my daughter and family live.

The conversations between my daughters and myself have changed since I started caring for and raising my three grandchildren. The conversations are me asking questions on what products are available today for the care of children. Safe sleeping for children based on age. Their opinions on toys for early learning.

Finally today, on driving back from the grocery store, I realized I am once again a “Mom”. Not just their Granny, but the one who feeds them, bathes them, makes a home safe for them to live in, and meets their daily needs emotionally, mentally and physically and well as spiritually. I am being a full-time “Mom” to three of my grandchildren.

When will my daughter-in-law be mentally well to care for her children? Years down the road. How many years? Considering she has panic attacks cleaning the house, overwhelmed by what needs to be done. Or is so depressed she is unable to do anything. Unable to go to a store by herself. A lot of years will pass before if ever she is able to handle caring for her children.

Meanwhile, I will do the work, give the love and support to my grandchildren as if they were my children.

amtolle

Stormy Night

The rain steadily drops to the ground. Thunder roars in the darkness of a black night, only lit by the answering lightening. A storm raging outside, just like the storm within. Trying hard to love, yet there is anger due to the sin of another. To take the life of self is forbidden, yet forgiveness is to be given. The life craves grace and kindness, the sin of another brings anger from within. Angry words desire to roar as thunder across a midnight sky. Flashes of light brings glimpse of truth, shows the struggle is not in vain.
What right, what purpose to take the life of self in front of the life that was brought forth as a blessing. Just as the thunder roars, the anger roars within. The light is short and bright to show the effects of the rain and the storm. The light brings forth the sadness of tears flowing for what might have been a loss of several lives.
As this midnight storm will pass, the thunder quiet in the darkness and lightening cease to be seen so will the storm within subside, giving way to quiet peace. The morning sun will show the blessings of the storm. The grass will reach upward. Majestic trees will stretch with the coming of the light of day. Storms bring the rain, the water from above to wash the grime of daily struggle bringing a breeze of freshness to the air.
Struggle weighs down a heart, brings weariness to all parts. The storm stirs all things, bringing life to the surface and focus to the Son. Fear not the storm or the roaring thunder, look sharp for the brilliant truth light. Flow with the life-giving streams and soak in the lesson to be learned. For storms are needed to spur the growth within.
So, the storm within will subside to the quiet peace that is striven towards. The blessings brought will give life as the struggle to reach upwards towards the Son. Stretching like the majestic trees praise will be heard. The grime of sin will be washed away bringing breath of life and promise to a new day.

amtolle

Still a Sheep Farmer.

Some may wonder why my husband and I went to the sheep show and sale when a few days before we received three small grandchildren to care for. The stress of trying to get things done between diaper changes (all three are in diapers), feeding and caring for the children was enormous. Yet, it all had to be done.

Being a sheep farmer or in an agriculture business is not like other occupations. There is no emergency time off, as the sheep need fed. The sheep show and sale is a major influx of cash flow to the sheep farm. To miss the sheep show and sale is to cut 1/3 of our income from the sheep.

As a sheep farmer, I am doing something I enjoy, and raising sheep for an income. I had spent a year sorting through and selecting the sheep I would sale. Feeding and conditioning the rams for this show and sale. I had two rams I was feeding and working with for this show. When I clipped both of them, I noticed one ram was not ready for the show. The ram was a little light weight for this show date. The ram stayed home.

In order to show two rams, I had to show three ewes. I carefully selected three ewes. One ewe I had purchased at this same show/sale last year. One of the requirements is the sheep have to be guaranteed to produce lambs. This ewe had already produced a lamb and was pregnant again. The other two ewes were less than a year old, and I was going to keep them, but we needed the income we hoped to obtain from the show/sale. The ewe lambed on Easter morning, the Sunday before the show on Friday, and sale on Saturday.

Showing sheep is work. Work in prepping them for the show, clipping and bathing. Work in teaching them to lead and stand for judging months before the show date. Exercising the sheep daily to get muscle definition and condition on the sheep.

The Monday before the show, I was driving down the highway, wondering how I was going to care for three small children and show the sheep. I had to have a system or plan to get everything done. Driving for ten hours, gives a person time to think about a plan.

We did the sheep show, not all according to my plan. I had to make a decision, have my husband take care of and show the sheep and I care for three small children. I walked a lot of miles in a small area, hoping to see some of my sheep show while trying to keep children busy and not screaming. I was unable to see any of my sheep show. I only saw one sheep sale. We came home after the sale, very exhausted. On the drive home, I was thinking how am I going to care for my sheep and the children. I had to come up with a plan and schedule.

Along with a plan and schedule for the children and sheep, I had to figure out where to put children, their clothes and other items they needed. My house was no way “child proof”.

The schedule was made and over a week adjusted to get the care of children and sheep done each day. With little bits of time between caring for children, I have been “child proofing” my home, goal is to have all the “child proofing” done before the baby starts walking. I am close to reaching this goal, and the baby is close to walking on her own.

In the evenings, when my husband is home to help keep an eye on two very active toddlers, I spend time working on the projects I need completed for the sheep farm. The toddlers help do chores, although their help is more following us where we are going and not straying too far. Evening chores take longer as their little legs do not take the big steps we do while walking. Our pace is slow and steady to get the job done.

They take turns riding with me on the small tractor cleaning out sheds and moving dirt. There are times I have to remind them not to move the lever or push on a pedal. They do enjoy steering, while I keep a firm hand on the wheel. As they grow and learn, they will be able to do more, and be a real help.

I am still a sheep farmer. I can not turn off a light and have all the sheep stay where they are until I have time to turn the light back on and continue where I left off. I will work slow and steady to get the jobs done. As they get bigger and understand about the farm, they will be able to help more. Perhaps one day, one of them will be a sheep farmer as well.

amtolle

If March is Madness, What is April?

Years back, in a Bible study, Father Kevin told an illustration: The community and world is like a pond quiet and still. So still the water reflects the surrounding area. When a person commits a sin, the effect to the community is like dropping a pebble in the pond. Ripples form and move outward toward the edges. The farther away from the pebble, the less noticeable that the pebble was dropped, but the whole pond was affected by the action of dropping a pebble.

So much in so little time passing. March was a very busy month lambing, working a job, helping Hank recover and prepping five sheep for a sheep show and sale on April 14 and 15. I had things going well, busy as a bee I was, but getting things done.

At work, I was offered the opportunity to become a meat cutter. I was looking into schoolings excited about the opportunity to learn a new trade. The district meat manager wanted to have me trained to be a meat cutter, then become a meat department manager in another store close by. I thought this was a good opportunity and excited for the opportunity.

Then Easter arrived. The day of celebration the risen Savior – and my world drastically changed. The one ewe I planned on showing lambed, a big relief, but the afternoon was not one to celebrate.

Easter Sunday afternoon, I received a phone call from my son. I thought the call was to wish a Happy Easter, only it was not a happy call. His voice portrayed an emotionally upset person. When asked what was wrong, I learned he and his wife had an argument. She left with the children, only to call him to have him meet her there so they could discuss the root of the argument. When she was not happy with his answer, she locked herself in the car with the children and proceeded to slice her wrists. Police, ambulance and admittance to a hospital took place. Now, he has no one to look after the three small children, and he needs to keep working. “Mom, can you come get the children and care for them?”

I left the next morning at 5 am to head towards Indiana. My son was heading towards me, and when we met in the same town, I would get the children and he would head back to Indiana and go to work.

The children, ages 3 years, 2 years and 10 months. They have not had the best of care during their short lives. I learned the two oldest boys, would eat from snack foods in a basket all day. The 10 month old drank mostly bottles. None are potty trained and all are non-verbal. They have been with a mother who does not talk, but yells at them a lot.

When I reached the town he was located in, I found the Wal-Mart. While driving, my mind was thinking of how was I going to use a restroom, with three babies. At the Wal-Mart, I found a folding stroller/wagon that would hold the baby and 2 year old. I also purchased some baby food, baby spoons, snacks and drinks for the 2 and 3 year old. Then I went to the hotel to meet my son.

When I walked in all the children were sleeping. While I was learning about how the children had been living the past then months, the 2 year old started crying and yelling in his sleep. My son picked him up and assured him he was safe. I was informed both the 2 and 3 year old have night mares. I decided to leave in two hours, letting the children sleep for a bit. It would be easier on me to travel at night with three small children as they would sleep most of the way.

In two hours we woke the children up. Moved three car seats to my dual cab truck in the back seat. I gave the 2 and 3 year old, drinks in the new cups I purchased and some granola bars. Hugged my son and we started traveling. The drive was long, we arrived at 3 AM on Tuesday. Since I had not had time to make the beds and crib, they slept with me in our bed, my husband moved to the living room. He had to work in a few hours.

I had contacted a person Mr. CH to feed for us while we were at the sheep show and sale that Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He was scheduled to be there at 9 AM to learn the routine of doing chores. Thankfully his wife came along with him. I informed the of the situation. Gave Mr. CH the feeding instructions, and Mrs. CH watched the three children while I went to the store to buy some groceries, a high chair and child fence to make a play area and child proof materials.

Two days before we are to leave for a sheep show and sale, and I am caring for three very small children, still needing to get three of the five sheep clipped. I called my manager on Monday while I was driving to let them know the situation and I was going to have to quit immediately. It was long days of working with children and sheep. Getting beds made, clothes sorted, changing diapers – 1,2,3 and getting the children on a feeding schedule instead of eating whenever all day. We got the last sheep clipped on Thursday, loaded the children, eight livestock guard dog puppies were going to try and sale at the sheep show, and headed to Duncan, OK. We arrived late, but were not the last ones to check in. Got the sheep in their pens, all marked then went to find the hotel.

The hotel, did not have an elevator, and we were on the second floor. The moving of children and equipment up the stairs and to our room was laborious. The stroller/wagon I purchased, was the 10 months old bed. The 2 and 3 year old slept on one bed, us on the other and sometimes all of us.

The morning of the show, after I do not even know how many angry meltdowns the 2 year old had, I told my husband he was going to have to show my ram, Big John. I had been planning and working on showing him for almost a year. Now the day was here and I would not be the one in the show pen. My husband, a very loving man, but I knew he would be so frustrated in having to deal with the 2 year old, the best decision for both was I would take care of the children, he would show the sheep. A friend was there watching, he jumped in and helped my husband with the sheep and selling the puppies.

A very sweet Godly woman I was drawn to at the first Dorper show my husband and I attended, was there. She had met my husband at the sheep pens, wanting to have a look at my ram I was proud of. She heard the story, and came to find me. Her hug was sent from heaven. Donna said she would pray for me. I am not sure of her religion, Quaker or Mennonite, but I am sure of her faith.

Our sheep did not win Grand Champions, or even win a class. But there were many others who did not. Saturday was the true reason we came, sale day. I wrote the description for each sheep, and set the reserve price. I listened to the bidding on the Champions and Reserve Champions, the prices were much lower than last year. I was not able to see my ram sale, but it was above the reserve. I was there present when the ewe and lamb sold. Donna had seen me, and was standing next to me as we watched and listened. The ewe and lamb sold for $1,900.00 USD. A very good price for the sale, and an excellent price considering the ewe and lamb were Pureblood and not Fullblood Dorpers, as there is a big price difference. Donna looked at me, and said, “That is God.” I replied, “I know that is God, as they are Purebloods.” Donna’s pointed upward, “That is definitely God!” All our sheep sold for more than the reserves.

We spoke of how the children were calmer, and listening better. The 2 year old did not have one angry meltdown that day. They were coming around. I told Donna how it is love that is helping the children. There are many gifts we can have, but the greatest is LOVE. Donna replied that none of the other gifts work unless there is LOVE. So true.

Now I am a Granny caring for three small grandchildren. All do not speak words. All use diapers. They are always hungry. The 2 year old is angry and frustrated, the 3 year old is withdrawn, and the 10 month old is happy. All need love, need structure and God’s healing touch.

Granny

March Madness 2023

My plate over flows. Often at holiday gatherings with family, I fill my plate with more than I will eat. The food looks delicious and I am hungry. There are times when I over fill my plate of duties with more than I can handle or think I can handle. Such is my March Madness 2023.

In January I started working a job other than what I do at home. I enjoy this job and the majority of people who I work with. My primary duties are working in the “meat room” or meat department preparing and stocking items of various meats to be sold. The other duty is stocking the freezer section and then shelves when the truck arrives with supplies of product to sell. Everyone needs to eat, and a grocery store sells things to eat. It has been a little of a struggle emotionally to be working outside the home. But overall I have enjoyed the challenges and the work. I have grown as a person, getting out of my comfort zone of home, and learning I can cope with the outside world and being a part of that world.

Being a part of a working environment also brings the challenges of unwanted attention from others. One coworker would at time say things inappropriate or touch. I filled a report of several incidents with the HR department in February. One coworker thought I had some vendetta against the person and wanted them fired. I did not want anyone fired, only a behavioral change at work. This is an aged worker who should know what sexual harassment is and not to do so. I do not want to work in an environment where I have to constantly be watching my backside to keep from being touched, and no other worker should have to do the same. Fortunately the manager and HR department was supportive. One complaint from me or any other employee and this coworker will be fired.

Then on Saturday, March 25, while doing morning chores, my top hand Hank hurt himself. We are not sure what he did to cause his injury. We were moving the sheep and was going to another pen of sheep, and he was not there. Looking back to see where he was located, we were met with a sickening sight. Hank had lost the total use of his hind legs, and was dragging them tangled with each other behind him. I spent hours on the telephone trying to get into a vet without any results. He was not in any pain, he did not make a sound when he injured himself, but he was unable to move or stand on his hind legs.

After a very long weekend, I was able to make an appointment for Monday. At the vet’s office, if we placed picked up Hank’s hind quarters and placed the legs under him, he could stand on one leg. The vet thought Hank had twisted and strained his back causing one of the disc’s to herniate. The condition required some attentive care, and waiting six weeks to see what use of his legs he would regain. There were three possible scenarios after the six week wait: one he would not gain use of his legs and I would have to make a hard decision; two he would gain the use of the one leg, but not the other with a different decision of possible amputation of the no functioning leg or three he would regain enough use of his legs to live a life, but would not be a working herding dog. Hank has given me six years of good faithful work everyday. I had to do what is required to give him the best possible outlook for life.

With three medications and instructions to give them twice a day, keep him quiet and still, some physical therapy and massage, and help him to go outside and to potty, we were sent home. Hank had no control in urinating or bowel movements. I was constantly cleaning up where he laid resting. And taking him outside, he required assistance in performing the outside duties. I also needed to massage his back muscles and move his legs to help keep them working and stimulated as the swelling in the injured area went down.

I went to work and had my hours cut back. The only days I work is for the meat department on Thursdays and Sundays. I needed to be home to help Hank get better. I purchased a pet massage/vibrator and used it on Hank’s back and legs four times a day. I would carry him outside to potty. Clean up his messes. After a week, Hank began standing and moving using only one hind leg, the other hung limp. He started gaining the ability to control his bladder and bowels. Hank would still make a mess when he would get up, but at least he was going on his own, not me having to put pressure in certain areas for things to release and expel.

Almost three weeks into the treatments, Hank is starting to use both hind legs. His balance is not good, and he falls when he turns too fast. He is able to control his bladder and bowels. I still continue the medication, massage treatments and moving his legs in the motion of walking and running. The outlook is not so dim, although he is fully retired from herding work.

March was also the last month for lambing, and we had lambs arrive. We had five sets of twins and a lot of singles arrive in March. Fifteen ewes lambed in March.

I had selected two rams and a ewe to show and sale at a yearly show in April. In February I entered the sheep in the show, I learned the rules had changed. In order to show and sale two rams, I had to have three ewes. I selected two more ewes and started feeding them to be ready for the show and sale in April. I also had to seriously work at training the ewes to lead with a halter. I had worked with the rams, but not the ewe and now had two more ewes to train. I also had to get blood work done on the rams, and health papers for each sheep. Fortunately I had made the appointment weeks in advance, but still had to get them to the vet on my own. The sheep also have to be clipped for the show. As of this post I have two clipped, and three needing to be clipped. The weather has not cooperated with the time schedule for getting the task done. Cold temperature and severe storms have kept me from clipping the sheep. The task will be completed this weekend as the weather is warm and sunshine.

All of this on my plate along with the regular duties I do each day of feeding and caring for the sheep, housework and getting a garden planted for this year. My plate overflowed. I am still going, still doing and hoping everything turns out well.

Life throws us curve balls, it is up to us on how we handle those situations. Will we give up and quit or will we push forward, take each day one step at a time and work towards the hoped for goal? The choice is ours to make, the steps are our to take.

amtolle

Sixty

Sixty, a number, and my age this year. I am sixty years old. BUT I do not feel like I am sixty years old. YET, I have never been sixty years old, so I would I know what it feels like to be sixty. Actually, I can not really wrap my thinking around being sixty years old. But the birth certificate does not lie, I have celebrated or marked each year and the total is sixty years of age.

At work, I am the second oldest person working. There is a cashier who is older than I am, but I am not sure how much older. We both work hard. Although she does not get down on the floor when stocking items on the lower shelves, leaving that task to younger folks. Most of the workers are in their mid twenties with management a few years younger than I am. Most are shocked to learn I am sixty. “You do not act sixty.” is a common phrase.

How is a sixty year old person supposed to act? Most of us, including myself base our determination of how a sixty year old person acts and tasks they are capable of doing by television or life experience with someone who is sixty. Stereotyping is how we form our ideas of what a person can or can not do at a certain age.

I do not have many grey hairs in my naturally colored hair. Some of my coworkers thought I had dyed my hair, until they look closer. My face does not have that many wrinkles, although the sun and years have aged my face and I no longer have the face I had when I was twenty. I move well, I work hard starting at getting up at 5 AM each morning to do chores before I go to work.

At work I climb ladders, but do not stand on the top step. I have not stood on the top step of a ladder since hurting my lower back. The injury has caused my balance to be a little off. Yet, I climb ladders in order to stock the top shelves. I sit on the floor to stock the bottom shelves. Although it is not a pretty motion of getting down to the floor or getting up off the floor, but is improving the more I do it. The one area I need to work on myself more is flexibility. My joints are a little stiff sometimes when I go to sit on the floor. I have not done a lot of sitting on the floor these past few years. I tell my coworkers I am stiff and have injuries, but I have lived life in my sixty years.

One coworker who is twenty years old made a comment yesterday after I showed her how to get a cloth bag of flour to stand on the shelf, that I know how to do a lot of things. My response is I have lived and learned for sixty years, that is a long time to learn things. I enjoy learning new things. I enjoy new experiences. I have injuries and can name each horse that caused the injuries, yet I can not name every horse I started under saddle and trained, or the ones I watched come into the world.

I began sharing with her some of my life experiences, watching a pronghorn antelope being born, standing and nursing in the wild. The evening I spent a few hours watching a pair of bald eagles teach their young how to fish. Or watching a fox catch mice. Seeing hundreds of elk in the morning dusk, start moving towards cover over the mountain ridge as the sun came up, seeing them silhouetted on the mountain ridge. Watching trout swim in the current of a mountain stream. Or watching the glorious colored lightening during a nighttime tornado. Playing in the snow, standing still and listening to snowflakes fall. Memories I hope one day I put to canvas to share with others the magical pictures in my memory.

This year I am sixty years old. I no longer have the speed to run a race or stamina I had when I was twenty-five. I have injuries that affect my movement and I live with back pain most of the time. But I have lived life and I continue to live life. Searching for new adventures and things to learn. I have goals to reach of things I want to finish or do. Some of youth’s dreams will never be, but there are plenty of dreams to look forward to. Sixty is a number, a number of my winters, but it is not a barrier or fence or prison.

I have lived life and continue to live life regardless of how many winters I have seen. Age is a number not a prison.

amtolle

February Happenings

The month of February has been a busy month so far. Besides my job and the sheep there are been some projects that we are working on getting accomplished this year. Managing my time has become a priority this month.

One project is to have our acreage divided and sell a few acres. Since my husband is getting close to retirement, we want the mortgage on our property paid in full. I met with the surveyor after work one day. I spent three hours with him and his assistant finding every pin of the survey of when we purchased our place. Then he sent a purposed plat to me of the area we wanted to divide off and sell. I contacted the County Commissioner for the variances needed to sell the separate piece of land. Once I hear from the County Commissioners on if they approve the variances, then I will take the plat survey to the Land Development Department to pay the variances and replat the property. Once all this is done the surveyor will return and put down survey pins for the piece to be sold. When the final survey is complete, I will contact my friend and real estate agent to list the property for sale. Then I will have to be present for the property to be shown to prospective buyers.

From the sale of the small acreage we will be able to pay off the mortgage and do some work on our home. Our goal is to sell the home and remaining acreage and purchase a place near to my daughter who lives in Texas. This is not a plan that is going to be fast results. It takes time to get work completed. With not a big budget, most of the work will be done by myself. With the extra income from my job, I am able to purchase materials needed to finish the remodeling of our home. The remodeling has to be completed before we can sell the house and property.

Along with the remodeling of our home, one of our trucks broke down and we are getting it repaired. This week I will have to travel to pick up parts and deliver them to the repair shop so our truck will be in running order once more. The other truck needs a new clutch. So, when one truck comes out of the shop, the other goes in. Repairs become necessary when vehicles get 200,000 or more miles of use. We have done maintenance on the vehicles to keep them in good running shape, but parts wear down and need replaced. We would like to purchase a newer vehicle, but with the cost of vehicles, that is not going to happen for a while. The repairs are less money than the purchase of a newer vehicle.

Yesterday, I planted some tulips and onions. I should have planted the tulips a few months back. Since I stored the tulip bulbs in the refrigerator, they will still bloom. The onions will grow as well. I plan on planting one vegetable in the garden each week. I will not be starting my plants from seeds this year. I just do not have time to start the tomatoes and pepper plants from seed. I will purchase plants from the nursery for this year’s garden. Spring will be here soon, then summer. I want to have fresh vegetables for the table. I would like to be able to can some pickled beets and pickles this year for Christmas gifts.

This year is going to be a busy year as we prepare for retirement and wanting a larger place to raise more sheep to supplement our retirement income. Being closer to family is important as we want to share time with grandchildren and loved ones. Teaching the grandchildren about farm life and the love of animals brings us both joy.

amtolle