Past

The past claws me back to a place I do not want to be.
The time of sorrows, unhappy joy, lies and deceit.
Be quiet, you do not know what you say.
Your stories are untrue, and there is no need to say.
Yet, the cloud of depression roles, I struggle to be free.
To the hem of a garment I cling to heal me from this curse.
No freedom in sight, no light I see, where can my life be.

A childhood of lies, deceit and stories untold.
When asked, the answer I give is truth.
Then I am told, to be quiet, not tell the truth but believe the lie,
You do not know what you see.
The truth you share is only your imagination.
Children are seen and not heard, their stories are lies,
Their eyes are ignorant.
How could they possibly know?
Stay in your corner, do not say, for your words are foolishness.
I have heard their words, I did as told, yet, I am the one alone.

Years go by, I call once a week or more.
Yet the lies continue and stories untold.
After desperate search, the truth revealed,
Moved to Arboles, to Texas or back home.
My struggle would have been easier if I was told up front.
But no, do not let me know.
Without the truth, the lies can be told.
Keep the truth in the closet, then no one will know.

The lies, deceit and stories untold.
Death arrives, no more maker of lies.
Rest In Peace
Now be still and let my sunshine glow.

I think I have finally gained ground, the sun I do see.
Years of silence, I am alone,
The company of spouse and children occupy time and space.
Only the claws reach forth again and plunged back into the dark sea.
I saw light and now the night.
Reaching forth to be free.
Like parrots learn for the master’s lips, so comes the words again,
Be quiet, do not speak, your stories are untold.
Why do you call? Why do you ask? Yet you do not want to hear.

Years of silence, then the call.
No time to talk, no time to share.
Only do not tell your stories untold.
We do not want to hear of lies, deceit and stories untold.

Why can I not be left alone?
Alone I have the light.
Alone I have the joy.
Alone I live in truth and light.
Loneliness does occupy, yet peace also abides.
The peace with self and universe.
Not childhood pain and torture.

Past stay away, and say no more.
Silence your cries of woe.
I do not want you to stay.
I am tired of lies, deceit and stories untold.
For peace of mind and soul rest felt,
I tell my stories true fold.
Leave me alone, to you I am no more.
The blame of a curse not mine.
Out of the closet I want to stay.

amtolle 3-23-2022