Tag: life challenges

Growing Together

I was going through Facebook, and a post asked couples three questions to reflect on concerning the past year.

First question was easy “How has your relationship grown closer this past year?”.

We talk more about our feelings and concerns of situations happening in our lives. Our conversations are a little more in depth this year. But as a couple we have been growing in this area during our sixteen years of marriage. We strive to communicate to each other our feelings, thoughts, concerns and dreams.

The second question I wanted to avoid. “Reflect on two bright memories of the past year.” Well, my past year has been very dark, sad and depressing. Too much loss, too much change. Starting in April with the situation of our son-in-law’s suicide, to having to say good-bye to relatives, and the loss of some beloved animals. This past year has been filled with loss and grief. We traveled through so many big emotions this past year.

Yet, there is one bright memory in this past dark year, WE FACED the events TOGETHER. We had someone to talk with concerning our grief, our anger, our fears, and the mass of other emotions we experienced and processed. We had someone to give us a hug or hold us when we cried. A person to listen to our emotions that boiled like an angry cauldron. We were there for each other.

The third question I do not remember.

I have seen grief and the challenges it brings cause a separation, division in couples and families, and even lead to divorce. This year has been very challenging, very emotional. We, as a couple, ARE CLOSER TOGETHER, BONDED STRONGER.

I hope each person has a blessed, joyous day with their loved ones this Valentine’s Day 2025.

amtolle

Happiness in Life

People desire to be happy, but few take the time to be happy. They are searching for happiness. Often happiness is equated with the amount of money a person has available to spend, the right vehicle or house. Happiness is not a tangible object we can hold and touch. Being happy is an emotion and a state of mind.

Events in life can bring forth happiness such as graduation, getting the dream job, a birth of a child, stirring up the emotion of being happy. Often short lived and quickly fading to other emotions.

My high school senior year English teacher stated to the class, “Happiness is a state of mind, a choice.” I had considered her statement with curiosity and the true meaning on if this statement was true.

Through the course of my life, I have learned her statement is true, happiness is a state of mind, and a choice. We can choose to be happy. Life events do not always bring happiness. The death of a family member causes us to go through grief and a period of sadness and emotional pain. The sudden loss of employment, resulting in stress and worry. There are a few who struggle with depression due to medical reasons or a life event. Our lives are intersected with many challenges, celebrations and disappointments, yet I choose to live a life in the state of being happy.

How does a person remain happy when life throws a “curve ball” into the well thought out plans? For me, it is to be focused on what is good in my life and at the moment. The first time my husband was laid off from his job, we had recently purchased our home and property, we were trying to get started in raising horses, and we had debts from before we were married. Our total income was suddenly stopped, with the one blessing of a severance package. We sold majority of the horses, cut out any unnecessary expenses, and he was looking for work. We did not know where we were even going to live, as his job search was taking a route of other places far from where we lived. I tend to worry, but instead I focused on the problem of cutting expenses and selling horses.

I could have gone down the deep dark hole of depression, as once again I was loosing my dream of raising horses. Instead I focused on how well the horses sold, knowing they were going to good homes. I focused on how well we were dealing with the situation as a couple by supporting and encouraging each other in this challenging period of our life. The most important thought was this will not last forever. These circumstances, this life changing event, would pass as it was not a permanent place we would be at. We both were working towards a change or a solution. He eventually was employed once more.

This particular life event was a life route changing event. I decided I was not ever going to raise horses as an income, although I enjoy doing so very much. That part or stage of my life was over. But I started raising sheep by “accident”. I enjoy raising sheep and the work involved. I still have a few riding horses, so I can still enjoy being with the horses, even though I am not raising horses.

Life will bring more changes into my path, as for one, the horses I currently own are getting older each year. My beloved dog companion, Bonnie Jo is in her last year or two of sharing life with me. I can focus on her problems, or I can enjoy her presence during our remaining time together.

A state of happiness is a choice of what you focus on, the problem or the everyday good things around you. The problems always feel like mountains in our road, but there is a pathway up and over the mountain if you look for it. Usually along the pathway over the mountain there are flowers to enjoy, breath taking views to see on the way to the top of accomplishment.

Each of us has the ability of making a choice.

amtollle

The Challenge

Standing at where the narrow steep path spits in several directions. She knows where she wants to go, where she wants to be. How to get there is the dilemma. This is not her first crossroads, there have been other cross roads on her journey. At a few she made the decision she thought was right, only to have the pathway end at a cliff, from there she had to make her own path. Fighting and climbing to reach a place of relative safety, yet not where she wanted to be.

Once, she choose a path, the going was hard but not difficult. As she traveled, the ground started falling away before her. She turned to go back, the path was gone. The ground gave way under her feet. Falling seemed to take forever, then the searing pain through out her whole body as she hit the rocks below.

The extreme pain kept her paralyzed for awhile. With great determination, she gradually began to crawl, to move forward. With time her injuries healed, leaving scars and a limp as evidence of her trial. An inward drive keeps her going to where she wants to be. The place is said to be heaven, a place of no struggles and sunshine.

Today, she feels she is wearing a blindfold, unable to see past the decision she has to make. She is scared of where the path she chooses may lead her. Will it be closer to her destination or on a pathway where the ground disappears once more? Make a decision she will, and travel the path with hopes of reaching her destination.

So it is with the challenges we face. Life events happen and we are faced with decisions, not knowing where the whole pathway leads. Life events may be a change in income, a natural disaster or a biological event such as Covid. Perhaps it is a happy event such as a union or children.

A couple of days back, my husband was released from his job, our main income. Today we face decisions on what pathway to take. There are several choices to decide from, but which one is best? Regardless of the pathway we take, we will work together striving to reach our goals and dreams and growing stronger because of it.

Challenges give us the opportunity to grow, to become stronger. How we face the challenge and proceed forward determines our destination.

amtolle