Learning Everyday

Bloganuary daily prompt #29 : What is something you learned recently?

Everyday is a new day. A new day that I get to explore, have fun and learn something. There are various places to learn something. I love to read. I enjoy talking and sharing information with others. In addition, I have started working outside the home, which has entailed some learning of new skills and refreshers on old skills.

This week while reading the blogs of others I learned South Africa has 11 official languages. WOW. I also learned the name of a cake I enjoy, Frasier, and it originates in France. By reading blogs, I have learned that I am not alone in some of life’s struggles. There are others who have traveled through similar trials and face similar challenges. I am not alone.

Applying and accepting employment has been a very big step of self-growth for me. I am a high functioning Asperger’s syndrome person, in short a form of Autism. I struggle with understanding facial expressions of people. I am awkward with social interactions. I am friendly and I do interact well, but all of my social behavior is cognitively taught. My other struggle is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with anxiety and a panic response to conflict or possible conflict. These two conditions have made working with co-workers a struggle and I have not in the past had employment very long. As I will panic and leave work. I want to overcome this panic and leave response. If and when I leave the place I am working, I want it to be a decision not a response.

Today, I did something very difficult, I spoke to my manager about an incident a week past. Four co-workers and myself were stocking the shelves in one aisle of the store. Another, male co-worker approached unknown, and placed a hand on my shoulder. I almost hit him. He scared me by touching me when I did not know he was there. I do not trust people and I especially do not trust men. I was raped at age 20, grabbed from behind and raped. I did have a small panic attack, but was able to go to a room alone and calm myself. I have been debating on how to deal with this incident.

Many thoughts go through my mind. Was he innocent in touching my shoulder to get by? or is there something underneath that could be danger? I do not know the intentions of this person. He is always around when I am working, visiting the meat room when I am the only one working in that area. I speak to every person, as a sign of acknowledgement that they are there and I see them. Does this person interpret my greeting as something else?

During conversations with another employee whom I have become friends with, I learned I am not the only female working at this business who has been raped. Her response would be the same as what I felt like doing. Once again I am not alone.

How all of this will evolve I am not sure. I have let the supervisors know what happened. I am not giving up on having this place of employment. I want to make the decision to leave, not my panic decide for me.

amtolle