It is bitterly cold as the north winds blows down through the valley, the woman tightens a coat that no longer fits due to the growing baby inside her. Home, or more the place she is staying is not far away. There are many doubts and fears are running through her mind as fast as the wind blows in her face. One major question keep haunting her through the howl of the winter winds “am I making the right choice?”
If I could travel back in time, there is only one place I want to go and that is to my beginning, to just before I was born. I am adopted. I was put up for adoption at my birth or very shortly there after. I lived in a place for a few until I was thirteen months before placed with a man and woman whom I call daddy and mom.
I was born in the winter, in a hospital at the foot of mountain located in a valley that runs north and south. In the town of my birth there was a home for unwed mothers and adoption agency. The puzzle to my story is my biological parents were married. They had been married for two years before I was born. My biological father was a US Marine during the Vietnam conflict.
So, I would like to speak to my biological mother and ask one question, well more than one, most important “Why was I put up for adoption?”
Was I put up for adoption because she received a telegram saying my father, her husband was missing in action.
These are questions I will not have answers to as when I did get my birth and adoption records, both my biological parents were deceased. My adopted parents would never tell me, even when I knew I had to be adopted and asked mom point blank. The sad thing is everyone in the family including my cousins knew I was adopted, all except me. At the age of forty-eight, while talking with one of my favorite cousins, she told me I was adopted, the first time any family member had told me the truth.
I knew when I was twenty-two I was definitely adopted. I obtained my records at age forty-seven. I did some research and learned where my parents were born, where they married and their divorce was two and half years after my birth. I have half-siblings from both biological parents, but do they know I exist. Was my birth, existence kept from them as a big secret as being adopted was a big secret kept from me?
We have choices we make everyday. Some of those choices are easy, some are hard, and some life changing no matter what choice we make. I am not angry at my biological mother for putting me up for adoption. I can not walk in her shoes to know the reasons behind her choice.
I am very happy to be alive, to have my life.
I have moved forward, I have children, grand children and a good life.