parenting – Me, Myself and I

This past year has been difficult for me and my family. I have faced many changes and challenges. Reflecting on the past year, I realized I neglected one very important person – myself.

There are things I have to do each day to keep our homestead running such as feeding the sheep. I have to work a job in order to have enough income to keep my home. I will also help my family, as grandchildren are golden.

But during the year, I have neglected taking care of myself. I pushed myself too hard at my jobs, trying to fix things and make things better for everyone else, I would take on the most unwanted jobs. Ignoring, or actually taking over the counter pain medications every four hours to dull the pain in my back as I worked eight hours. If the closing procedures were not completed by a certain hour, I would stay by myself until all things were done. My coworkers having to go due to their ride being there or just because they were not going to work the extra thirty minutes to an hour to get everything completed. My back would be stiff and hurting so bad I could barely get in my vehicle to drive home after work. Getting older brings with it the pain of over working. I can not work the same as a thirty year old person, my body is not young anymore.

The other area I did not care for myself, was helping my children and grandchildren. I did not take time to recharge and process my own emotions. Instead, once again I was there to assist and help with whatever needed to be done.

The most difficult time was when my daughter-in-law and four grandchildren came to stay with us to live without notice. It is easy to prepare rooms and make a space for people when you have days or even a week. I had hours, plus I was working a job. I made the room, by putting everything chaotic into other rooms. Dealing with a person who has mental illness takes time and energy. With the workload I was carrying at the time, it was really too much. And during this time, I cared for the children. I made lunch and dinner before leaving for work, then came home late at night to be faced with dirty dishes. I took care of everyone else, except for one of the most important people – myself.

This year, I have made a priority to care for myself. If I am not well, then I can not help others. I do have my home back. My daughter-in-law has her own home. She is regularly attending therapy. When she goes to therapy, I watch the children. Now, time to find a way to make an income once more. But I am going to be more selective in the job position I take on. I need to take care of myself.

It is good to help others. At times an event in a family requires “all hands on deck” to handle the situation. We all need an income. The caring for oneself is necessary in order to be the needed helper, to assist the family, and to perform a job. Do not feel guilty taking time to care for oneself. Enjoy the moment, cherish yourself for a short time.

amtolle

Photo by Jacek Jan Skorupski on Pexels.com

I am a happy and proud mother of four children. One of the happiest moments in my life was when I became a mother. Upon becoming a mother, a switch turned on, the “mommy switch”. Life became centered around providing for, teaching, and protecting my children.

Time marches on, they grow up and become their own person. Each child starts their own lives, finding spouses and having their own children. In the process of each child growing up, and establishing their independence, I have learned to control my instincts and impulses as a mother to tell my children what they need to do, choices they should make and direct their lives. I want to protect them from making the mistakes I made, feeling the pain of those mistakes. As a mother, I still desire for my children to be happy with no pain or disappointments. My words at times is considered “unwanted advice”.

This “unwanted advice” or meddling can cause problems in the relationship with my children and their spouses. But I have not learned how to turn off the “mommy switch”. I keep my words to myself, but how do I deal with the desire to speak? I voice my concerns in prayer.

When things happen in my children’s lives, things I can not speak to them about, I pray. I take the energy of concern and put the words I desire to speak and focus them in prayer for my children.

My children are now parents. They have experience with the “parent switch”. They are starting to feel the desire to speak to their teenage children about concerns, yet also realize they have to make some decisions on their own as they are becoming adults. My children are learning the challenges of the “parent switch”.

My children learning the “parent switch”, they now understand my difficulties of when I said something they considered meddling at the time, to be the voice of a concerned loving parent.

Recently I was asked by one of my children of how to speak to their teenager about a situation. My grandchild thinks they have been bullied at school. When all the facts were brought forth, they and another student was competing and verbally “fighting” to be best friends with one student. We had a discussion on defining bullying. Then the discussion turned to what makes a friend. A person who chooses to be friends with one person at a time, does not know what friends truly are. There was no reason both of you could not be friends with the student at the same time.

Granny talking to the teenager, although it was the same words used by their mother, had a different effect. A useful verbal communication because of the “mommy switch”.

Living with the “mommy switch” is not easy. Being a parent is not easy. Being a grandparent is a little easier than being a parent, but still has challenges. The “mommy switch” is an important part of our make up in becoming a mother, carries over in being a grandmother. Learning to control the tongue with the “mommy switch” is the challenge.

Still, I love being a mother. I thoroughly enjoy being a Granny. And I look forward, although I hope not too soon to the adventures of being a great-grandmother.

amtolle

Tag: parenting

Care of Self

“The Mommy Switch”