amtolle

Happiness in Life

People desire to be happy, but few take the time to be happy. They are searching for happiness. Often happiness is equated with the amount of money a person has available to spend, the right vehicle or house. Happiness is not a tangible object we can hold and touch. Being happy is an emotion and a state of mind.

Events in life can bring forth happiness such as graduation, getting the dream job, a birth of a child, stirring up the emotion of being happy. Often short lived and quickly fading to other emotions.

My high school senior year English teacher stated to the class, “Happiness is a state of mind, a choice.” I had considered her statement with curiosity and the true meaning on if this statement was true.

Through the course of my life, I have learned her statement is true, happiness is a state of mind, and a choice. We can choose to be happy. Life events do not always bring happiness. The death of a family member causes us to go through grief and a period of sadness and emotional pain. The sudden loss of employment, resulting in stress and worry. There are a few who struggle with depression due to medical reasons or a life event. Our lives are intersected with many challenges, celebrations and disappointments, yet I choose to live a life in the state of being happy.

How does a person remain happy when life throws a “curve ball” into the well thought out plans? For me, it is to be focused on what is good in my life and at the moment. The first time my husband was laid off from his job, we had recently purchased our home and property, we were trying to get started in raising horses, and we had debts from before we were married. Our total income was suddenly stopped, with the one blessing of a severance package. We sold majority of the horses, cut out any unnecessary expenses, and he was looking for work. We did not know where we were even going to live, as his job search was taking a route of other places far from where we lived. I tend to worry, but instead I focused on the problem of cutting expenses and selling horses.

I could have gone down the deep dark hole of depression, as once again I was loosing my dream of raising horses. Instead I focused on how well the horses sold, knowing they were going to good homes. I focused on how well we were dealing with the situation as a couple by supporting and encouraging each other in this challenging period of our life. The most important thought was this will not last forever. These circumstances, this life changing event, would pass as it was not a permanent place we would be at. We both were working towards a change or a solution. He eventually was employed once more.

This particular life event was a life route changing event. I decided I was not ever going to raise horses as an income, although I enjoy doing so very much. That part or stage of my life was over. But I started raising sheep by “accident”. I enjoy raising sheep and the work involved. I still have a few riding horses, so I can still enjoy being with the horses, even though I am not raising horses.

Life will bring more changes into my path, as for one, the horses I currently own are getting older each year. My beloved dog companion, Bonnie Jo is in her last year or two of sharing life with me. I can focus on her problems, or I can enjoy her presence during our remaining time together.

A state of happiness is a choice of what you focus on, the problem or the everyday good things around you. The problems always feel like mountains in our road, but there is a pathway up and over the mountain if you look for it. Usually along the pathway over the mountain there are flowers to enjoy, breath taking views to see on the way to the top of accomplishment.

Each of us has the ability of making a choice.

amtollle

All In a Day’s Work

There is so much happening on my little farm this month. So, much to do and last night I was sloooowed down. There are three main projects on the farm that need to be completed before the end of September: the horse pens and terraces, cleaning out the barn for a new water filtration system, and training up the two young dogs to do the work my Hank used to do.

Since Hank’s back injury in March, he has recovered to about 80 to 85% of the use of his back legs. He has lost some of his ability to work sheep in difficult situations. There are also times after doing simple work with the sheep, his back hurts. I need a dog to help me with the work, and we have two of Hank’s sons that need their training completed.

What caused my slow down? I was doing chores last night, and while feeding a group of ewes, and trying to train a young dog on working sheep I was literally knocked off my feet. Probably would have made a great video. I was trying to have the dog stop and lay down as I walked to the grain feeder. He had been circling the sheep, bringing them to me, which is what I was wanting in the beginning, and now the dog need to stop and hold them. Suddenly, a white creature came racing in front of me, hit my right leg and I was airborne. I landed on my side with a spilt grain bucket next to me, twenty sheep and goats vying for position to eat the grain. Not a good place to be. Sheep are very pushing when they are eating, even grazing pasture they will push each other around for a choice bit of feed.

I raised up on my left knee and hands, not wanting to put weight on the right leg due to the pain coming from the right knee area, and starting to evaluate my circumstances. Then I noticed a black hairy dog right under me, nipping at the sheep between my left leg, my arm and hand that were holding me off the ground. Now, I could not move because my young dog was working hard to keep hungry sheep from pushing me down again as they fought for position to eat the spilt grain.

My husband did not see the situation resulting in me being on the ground surrounded by sheep. He called out, “Are you ok?” I responded, ” I am not sure, but I need help.” He enters the pen and walks to me, fights the sheep and goats back with yelling, which sent my young dog into ‘Time to get out of here’ mode. “What do you need?” he askes. ” I need help getting up without putting weight on my right leg.” I grab is strong arm and he lifts me to my foot, and I test to see how much pain and weight my right knee will handle if I put weight on my right foot.

I put some weight, no much pain, and the joint felt stable. I took a few steps, the knee joint was stable, though sprained a little. I knew I would have some bruises show up and there were a few areas of scrapped skin. Not bad considering my age, and the situation.

I looked for my young dog, he was at the gate trying to find a hole to leave the country. This young dog, named Junior, is a very talented herding dog, lots of desire and easy to train. Junior is very soft to the handler, meaning it does not take much action from a person to have the dog want to quit and hide. My husband’s yelling and pushing sheep away from me, was too much for the young dog. While still in the sheep pen, I called Junior to me. It took a few tries before he came. I petted him and told him he was a good dog, which he was before and during the time I was down. Petting him also let him know I was ok, he was not in trouble, and he left the sheep pen with a ‘happy’ feeling. The yelling and pushing the sheep my husband did, would not be remember the next time he entered that sheep pen.

It takes months to train a young dog enough to have solid commands of the dog’s movements in containing a flock of sheep. Junior is a month into his training.

I made some mistakes in this situation. First, I should only have had Junior in the sheep pen with me. I also had his brother, Rusty, in the sheep pen at the same time. Second, I should not been trying to teach that specific lesson with Junior while holding a bucket full of grain in a pen of hungry sheep and goats.

When I fell, Rusty froze in position, confused as to what to do. When my husband entered, and was pushing sheep away, he was looking for an escape hole as well. Rusty is not as soft to the handler as Junior, but no dog likes it when my husband gets angry. Once I was up and walking on my own, my husband relaxed and Rusty came to my husband to see what they were going to do next.

My husband works with Rusty, and I work Junior and sometimes Rusty. I usually work the dogs individually. This day, we were trying to get chores done and both dogs worked, and that was a mistake.

Dogs have different personalities, just like people. To create a great working pair of dog and human, matching those personalities is key. I am a soft trainer of both dogs and horses. My husband is a very dominate personality in meaning he is strong in his opinions and very protective of his wife. Our training methods are different as we are have to adjust to the animal.

I have a good amount of patience, can be forceful when necessary, but try not to be. My husband had a very different process of training a horse, stick with it until the horse or dog does what you want. The concept of accepting little steps was new to him when we met. I have learned to expect a little bit more during my training times, he has learned to have a lot more patience and give the animal time to learn. His biggest challenge in training is be a little softer in presenting and teaching his commands. During the training process, the dog or horse learns to adjust to his loud voice and naturally strong stance. For me, the dog or horse has to learn, my soft command is just as strong as my husband’s natural command.

One aspect of training my husband and I both strongly agree is that bonding is key to training success. If the person giving the commands bonds with the animal, the animal tries harder to please and do things right, and forgives the person’s mistakes. Yes, as trainers and working partners with our animals, we will make mistakes and the dog or horse knows it, but will do our bidding anyway.

I love my border collies. They desire to be affectionate, obedient and are happiest when they do something that pleases you. Border Collies are listed as being the smartest breed of dog. Their intelligence requires that they are mentally stimulated every day with some activity. A Border Collie is never a coach potato type dog. Consider what your lifestyle is when selecting a dog, and pick a breed or individual that loves your lifestyle. Realize that puppies, regardless of the breed, need exercise and mental stimulation until they are mature dogs and settle into their breed personality.

As for today, and the next few days, I will continue to ice and elevate my right knee. Takes chores and tasks at a much slower rate allowing my knee to heal. Things will get done, the sun will set and rise, and soon I will be back at full speed.

amtolle

Celebrating First Year

Today, we celebrated the birthday of my daughter’s triplet boys. It is hard to believe they will be a year old tomorrow. They were so very small at just a few ounces over 4 pounds, large for premature triplets. The doctor did not let the triplets reach full term due to the hardship on the mother’s body causing complications for mother and babies.

From a mere 4 pounds they have grown into little boys who are happy, very active and different from each other. When they were born, they were so small and would move quickly, making it necessary to hold them a specific way to prevent dropping them. Most of those attending did not hold them when they were born, due to them being so small and appearing fragile. I was blessed with the opportunity to help the parents care for these small precious gifts, three adults each with one baby helps the feeding to progress faster. Today, I helped one of the boys each their lunch, watching they did not choke on the pizza and spoon feeding them baby food.

They crawl everywhere, stand up with the aide of the furniture or their walking toys. It will not be long before they are walking everywhere. Big Sister is learning to keep her bedroom door closed, so her brothers do not get into her small toys and put them in their mouths.

Big Sister has and is learning to adjust to her little brothers. She had been an only child until she was five years old. Instead of learning to share life with one sibling, she has had to adjust to the demands of three at once. A protective Big Sister she is, making sure to inform and watch anyone around her brothers to be careful. There will be more adjustments for her to make when her little brothers become more mobile and older. I know she will not like her brothers much when she becomes a teenager with her friends or wants to start dating. Can you imagine introducing a potential boyfriend to your parents and triplet brothers?

The house is full of baby things, three highchairs for feeding, three swings when they were smaller, three cribs. There is not only the three of every baby item needed for their care. There is three times the giggles, three sounds to say they are ready to eat, three mouths open for food with two parents to spoon the baby food to the waiting child. Three little ones to hold and love. No one was fighting over a chance to hold the birthday boy today, as there was three to share.

The years ahead will be fun as we experience their continued growth and the challenges of having triplets in the family. Having triplets is not like having three babies born, they have their own little ways of communicating seen since they were born and continuing now.

amtolle

Going Back to School

Before the grandchildren came to live with us, I was going to attend meat cutting school. I was working full-time at the grocery store, and part-time in the meat department. There was a need for a part-time meat cutter at the grocery store where I was working, and I would be working at nearby stores to make a full-time schedule. After the children arrived, I went to working one day a week for five hours in the meat department. Although my tasks are more than just wrapping meat as I am allowed to grind meat into hamburger and seasoned taco meat. On occasions I use a knife to cut boneless pork loin chops and split chicken breasts.

Our community is growing with new homes being built and families moving into our area. The business at the small grocery store is increasing, and so is the need to have someone able to cut meat on Sundays. Sunday is the big revenue day of the week for our community. Having a meat cutter to keep the shelves stocked as well as specific requests for customers will only help our store sales continue to grow.

The company offered the opportunity to other employees working at the store who were younger than myself. They all turned it down. The meat department is a cold place to work or they were interested in a different occupation. One young person wants to attend college without the student loans, but does not work to be come a meat cutter as that is not the area they want to learn in school or do for a career. Yet, being a meat cutter would pay more than being a cashier.

I have noticed that the younger generations do not consider trades as a career. The trades are very important if we are to continue to live in houses, have electricity and water along with other comforts of home. My father was a mechanical contractor, meaning he installed plumbing and HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning) in homes and buildings. My father thought trades were very important and would always be needed. “Everyone has the biological need to use the bathroom. The facility they use may change, but the need will always be there and the waste transported somewhere.” were his words in relation to learning a trade.

Once more I was approached on becoming a part-time meat cutter by attending the meat cutter school. The company is paying for my training, I will have to pay for transportation and a hotel room for a week. After the training I will be a meat cutter provided I pass. I will have a new occupation.

Why a new occupation at the age of 60 years. The truth is we do not have the income coming into our home to pay off the home mortgage that would allow my husband to retire. With the position of meat cutter and working a full-time week, we would be able to pay off the mortgage allowing my husband to retire.

I am excited about this learning adventure. Learning how to cut different portions of meat will assist me in the butcher processing of my own lamb. Learning also keeps our minds active, and younger. I will never stop learning new things.

amtolle

Getting Back to “Normal”

With my little grandchildren back home and doing good, I am back to work. I have been getting the projects done for this year, with a new one added. We are changing our water filtration system with a new system that will only serve the house and not all the water. The livestock used hundreds of gallons of water a day. Removing the livestock water from the filtration system will save on filters and salt for the softener. I have found the time to start writing blogs once more. It could be said my life is getting back to “normal”.

What really is “normal”? Each day, each year things change. This year I had my grandchildren to care for full time for four months. Last year I spent two months with my daughter caring for my granddaughter during her pregnancy with triplets and their delivery. Then the years my husband was laid off. Everyone has felt the increase in inflation this year.

The cost of groceries and other items I have needed to adjust my monthly budget, removing some things we used to do such as eating out once a week. Others have had to make adjustments to their budgets and/or work due to changes in the cost of just living.

Many things affect our daily life. I no longer do the same activities I did when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. I no longer start young horses under saddle. Farm tasks take a little longer, and sometimes I have to find another way of doing things as I no longer have the strength to consistently lift 80 pounds and move it to another place. I can still lift 80 pounds, but to unload 100 bales of hay, each weighing 80 pounds like I did in years past takes three times longer and two Advil when the job is done.

As the world was coming out of the Covid-19 pandemic, hearing that life would get back to normal was a cliché phrase on the news. But have our lives really returned to normal? Some people still continue to wear masks. I enjoy the six feet separation when standing in line waiting for the cashier ( I like a large personal space bubble). There is still supply line issues in getting products to the store shelves.

Adjustments to our daily lives is made continuously. We adjust for the cost of good and availability of goods. We adjust for aging and what our bodies are able to perform. We adjust for family and friends. As we travel our journey on this earth we are always making adjustments and adapting for what is needed and what we are able to achieve.

I am caring for my sheep and my husband. Cleaning house. Doing laundry once a week instead of three times a week. My meals are smaller cooking for two. I am doing the farm projects and writing more consistently. Life is normal.

Our definition of ‘normal’ is always adjusting and adapting.

amtolle

Remembering 9-11

Each year people in the United States remember September 11, 2001. I remember what I was doing when I learned of the airplanes crashing into buildings, I was arriving at work as a waitress for the truck stop in our small town. My oldest son was at Air Force training school after being home for a few days following basic training. My other children were in school. I later learned a friend was on the airplane that went down in Pennsylvania.

There was a lot of anger from the people in the restaurant. My emotions were of concern and fear for my children, especially my oldest son. There was sorrow for the lives lost and for their families, loved ones and friends.

Today as I remember, my emotions are still for my children and grandchildren. September 11, 2001 told me and others in the United States we are not beyond being attacked by other countries or organizations. The safe protective bubble we thought we lived in was popped, and now we realize we are like all the other countries – vulnerable to attack by governments or organizations for whatever reason.

People had a lot of emotions on the day the airplanes were hijacked and sent into buildings. Today, people still have strong emotions. I have always liked the song Alan Jackson wrote right after the tragedy.

Perhaps, I am just a simple country girl.

amtolle

Silver Linings

My husband, children and most people who know me will tell you I always seem to find the good in a situation. Currently the area I live in is in a drought, no rain for months. I can not let me sheep graze in the pasture, instead the sheep are kept off the pasture and fed hay along with some grain. Feeding hay and grain all spring and summer is a big added expense to my sheep farm business. The limited amount of green on the place is from the overflowing of water troughs and a few areas I run the sprinkler at night. I overflow the water troughs to freshen the water and cool the water temperature down for a little while.

Although I do not have any grass growing, I do not have any weeds growing either. I use regenerative farming practices in the care of my pasture and garden. Instead of using a herbicide to spray the weeds, I mow the weeds before they bloom to create seeds. This year I have only mowed the pasture once. A savings of fuel cost and time.

The positive side is my sheep have proved to me they can survive and thrive in the heat and with little feed, as the breed was developed to with stand the harsh grazing conditions of South Africa.

Laundry and dishes are washed at night, the appliances add too much heat to the house during the day. Cooking is done outside on a Bar BQ grill. Although recently, I have wondered if we really need to light the grill to cook the meat with the temperatures over 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

I have more birds around my house, since their water source of the nearby ponds have dried up. All living things need water. The chickadees, finches and cardinals seem to love playing in the sprinkler when it is going.

Completing tasks outside take much longer, as I need to come into the house for water and too cool off. There have been a few times I have heat stressed a little this summer. The water going in comes out just as fast when I step outside to work. Currently as I am writing this blog the outside temperature is 105 degrees Fahrenheit but feels like 109. There are probably very few toxins in my body with all the sweating I do during the day, creating a healthier body without the expense of a sauna.

I have worked in this type of heat and drought conditions in 2011 when we purchased our property. I was building fences in 108 degree temperature and the neighbor was worried I was going to die from heat stroke.

Although it is very hot today, autumn will be here soon, the temperatures will cool as winter approaches. Then everyone will complain how cold it is.

amtolle

August Summer

The temperatures are hot, very hot. The grandchildren went home with their parents the first week of August. I cried the first week they were gone. “Empty Nest” all over again. The sounds of little foot falls in the early morning as everyone is greeting a new day is what I miss the most. There are the video calls to keep up with how they are doing. Video calls such a nice way to visit with grandchildren who grow up in a short time. I did not have video calls when my children were little.

With the grandchildren gone, it was time to catch up on the farm projects. Before they arrived in April, I had started cleaning shelters and doing some reorganization of sheep pens. When they arrived all those projects were put on a very slow snail pace towards completion. After crying for a week, it was time to get to work. Winter and lambing time are going to be here and these projects need to be completed before their arrival.

The hot temperatures and drought in our area hinder my progress of completion. Heat stress on the animals and myself has been a constant concern. In order to avoid heat stress in 110 degree Fahrenheit temperatures, I have to work early in the mornings for just a few hours. My biggest chore has been keeping water full for the animals. Watering the trees and shrubs around my home is done daily, moving hoses and sprinklers. At night, I am exhausted, not from the amount of work I have done, but from working short periods moving hoses, sprinklers during the extreme heat.

There is no pretty corner garden this year. The time of working with grandchildren and the extreme heat, I could not keep the ground moist enough for the corner garden. The animals needed water more than my little garden spot. But do not fear, I have plans for a fall garden in my little corner. As with every summer, summer will come to an end and the cooler temperatures of fall and winter will soon be upon us.

I have sold several sheep this summer. But any profit has gone into purchasing hay to feed, since I do not have pasture for them to graze. I have plans of planting winter wheat as a cover crop on the pasture for winter grazing, hoping for rain to water the seed and help it grow.

I move forward one day at a time as any farmer does. Getting done what I can each day, with the next day already lined out in advance. Every farmer has hopes that the next year will be better, the weather will cooperate with the plans made. Maybe farmers are a mental lot, always hoping and working for a brighter tomorrow. But I would not be anything different. I enjoy being a sheep farmer, grandmother, mother and wife.

amtolle

Wonderful Words

Words are the transportation of communication used to share thoughts, ideas, feelings and so much more. The use of words is so common they are taken for granted, unless the words are unknown. Such as traveling to a different country than your own, where a different language is spoken than the language you are comfortable with or know a little of. Words become frustration when the lack of understanding inhibits the comprehension of communication.

Communication, a necessary skill and tool in having a relationship with anyone. Only when my three grandchildren came to me to give care to – there was no communication, and no words. There was plenty of vocalization, but nothing verbal in what they wanted or how they felt. Using hand motions and pointing to objects saying the identifying order of sounds to create the necessary word of communication, the children began to repeat my order of sounds, learning vocabulary and communication.

The eldest of the three, at age three years of age, Mr. A started putting sounds together to form words. Then joy filled his eyes when I responded with giving him what he wanted to drink in his glass, instead of what was being served. Once Mr. A realized that sounds make words of things and actions, and he could share those ideas and things with me, the words began to form the thoughts in his mind flowed forth from his small mouth creating joy in the ears of this Granny.

Teaching a small child to communicate with vocabulary is more about listening than speaking. Speaking a word is required for the child to learn the sounds of forming a word and meaning. Listening encourages the child to speak. Listening is giving the child’s words importance, their thoughts value, and opens the door to discovery, exploration and learning.

Soon after Mr. A was getting what he wanted and attention to the words that he spoke, Mr. M was not to be outdone. While Mr. M was not willing to reveal all the vocabulary he was able to command, he liked the attention of being listened to and his thoughts and wants heard. Little Ms. L at the age of one was starting to build a vocabulary and name who she wanted attention from.

Communication, an important skill. Listening an important tool in developing communication.

amtolle

The Struggle to Write

Each writer has times they get writer’s block, or can not seem to find words to share with others. Since April, I have struggled to write. I do not have the struggle of writer’s block, but lack of time. My life is rather busy.

For those who may not know, in April I started caring for three of my grandchildren, ages 11 months, 2 years and 3 years. My day starts at 6 am with a small amount of time to wake up and talk to the Creator for have the strength and wisdom to navigate the day. At 6:30 am, children are waking up, there are diapers to change, food to prepare and children to feed. Then we are outside to move sheep to pasture, feed other sheep and livestock, and fill all the water troughs. Laundry, dishes, food preparations and the ever needing care of the children keep me busy. Finally at 8:30 pm the house is quiet, all are in bed asleep. Now is when I have the time to write, but most days I am so tired my fingers do not want to work, or my brain put sentences together.

I struggled with not having the time to write. I missed the writing. I missed putting my words down for others to read, or the creation of a story that will be come a novel. Writing on my blogs and reading the comments, as well as ready others blogs. After several weeks with the children, I realized my life was in a different season now. The path I am on now is one of being a “Granny-Mom”, and the children are my work or gift at this time.

How long will I be the caregiver for these three small children? Only the Creator knows. I do know that caring for three small children at the age of 60 years is tiring. My mind and body needs rest when the quietness of evening arrives. The time to write will be few. The rewards of caring and teaching three young minds to talk and grow from infant to child are starting to be many. I now only change the diapers on two children. Instead of guessing what the two toddlers want or need, they are using words. And there are times we are working on conversation. Now, my words are verbal teaching, instruction and guidance shaping young minds towards adulthood.

The quietness of evening, when the sun and children are asleep, a time to give thanks for the day, remember the small accomplishments of little ones, and every once in awhile to put my thoughts to words to share with others.

amtolle